I can't deny that 
My eyes light up more,
My ears perk up more,
My smile is brighter,
And 
My heart and steps are that much lighter,
Like everyday and everything presents a wonderful, pleasant, happy surprise. 
You standing right at the door, waiting with that.. that smile, which is brilliant and blinding yet sceptical and somewhat teasing, was a surprise to perhaps, the both of us.

I'm going to miss this.. I guess...  In 41 days.. That still sounds like a long time away (more than a month!!).. Ugh too far for comfort. These last 5 weeks here are killing and stifling me and I cannot cannot wait for it to end!!! 

I guess it's okay to feel how I feel, to do what I do, and to want to do what I do. After all, that's just being me. I do wonder though, if I keep running and running and running...eventually I'll have to stop right? There'll definitely come a time when you feel too exhausted and will stop, or you've finished that particular route... No more paths to go or run. So, okay, maybe I'll just continue until I'm absolutely worn out, weary, and tired to my bones. Because even I can't continue forever. Just like how I got over them and just accepted it after crying and a whole lot of missing, I can and will do it again.. And again. Forever always only feeling the impact at the very last minute and when time is running out. Sigh. 

And that's only if you let me.

Swirling maelstrom of thoughts. As usual. Though it's always probably about nothing and unimportant. As usual. I wish I could stop thinking sometimes. I really should. I don't know how though. Tell me how :( just keep being unable to stop thinking about it or whirling the thoughts around my head that I thought maybe writing something out here would help but then my thoughts are always so silly, meaningless, inconsequential and immaterial that I don't even know what and why I'm thinking about or writing. Ok this hasn't really helped and I don't think anything can help and I don't even know how to get help from this lol but on another note ughhh please may my blocked and runny nose be gone tmr!!!

Expect nothing, appreciate everything. This is truly the credo I should live by and which I should remind myself of all the time. 
So. Appreciate that he doesn't ignore me, well at least and not yet. Because I've heard way too many times about unpleasant cases where either party just disappears or never hears anything at all. 
And, appreciate the bright and bedazzling morning. I'm so glad I decided to turn around and its also immensely thanks to sheer luck that I look around and managed to recognise something and that I decided to double check. :) ;) 

'You don't even look at me'
*baffled, flabbergasted, speechless and absolutely not knowing what to say* '...what?!?!?!'
*awkwardly patting*  'no, you look very handsome today.' *speaking the absolute truth which actually needed some courage to be summoned to say that line.*
*maior eye -rolling and deliberately not looking at me* 
*still speechless and baffled and flabbergasted* -.- sigh. Maybe doing wrong all the time lol sigh.

I don't want to wake up because then I'll have to stop dreaming and I don't want to stop dreaming because only in my dreams will we be able to talk endlessly and timelessly.

Inexplicably, irrevocably and irreversibly drawn.

Feeling like I'm rocking back and forth on the verge of this cliff of insecurity, uncertainty, anxiety, nervousness and the unknown. And deep below is the vast, wide, gaping hole of emptiness and longing. Back and forth, back and forth. So scared. April, come sooner >< Assurance and replies, come sooner too. Hopefully and in good faith.

In a very real sense, I feel like you saved me that day. Really. You'll never know that but seeing you just standing there waiting for me to notice as I hurriedly walked out with what was probably a dead and blackened face slowly making its way all the way to the floor... it was immense joy whooo. Not too sure why either hahaha. And it was so funny too. First time seeing you this year and you were the first to try my "cny cookies" LOL. Kept me happy the rest of the day. Best (well, one of) end to the week filled with total blah-ness and upsets and disappointments. So, thanks for being the superman for the day.. even wearing festive red ah and looking kinda like a little boy HAHA oh my goodness its hilarious making fun of you sometimes ahaha don't know whether to laugh or cry. :) just. :) 

Another 2 tough tiring weeks to pull through.... first wave of presentations plus mid terms all coming together.. mannnn.