sometimes you just know, you know?

我真的不懂怎么开口。不懂该说什么。

But that is the very first step. And I will have to do alot more beyond that if it does indeed get me somewhere. 

It runs far far deeper than even I could imagine. The heartache, the longing, the missing, the yearning.

And deep beneath it all, probably the most painful, heartbreaking and gut-renching of it all.. the regret.

It still haunts me every night. No matter how I may make excuses, justifications, or try to deny it, I know I don't actually agree with them. And I never will.

Ever since coming back, I don't feel the same way about things. What used to be my favourite activities.. Well I don't feel any incentive or motivation to do any of them anymore. I don't feel anything and I look past things and when I look at things, I see hills, mountains, rivers.. And many more things instead. The gorgeous, mesmerising and never-ending landscapes from the train.. Old towns and cities.. Some autumn trees here and there, red, gold, amber...faces, smiling and laughing and looking at me with genuine warmth.... Seeing all my memories.

Well perhaps people see me differently now too, or feel different about me. Some things seem lost to me now. Over the course of the last half year, they've probably found their own sense of belonging too and we now seem to exist in completely different worlds. Never overlapping, never intersecting.. Or probably never bothering to.