CHIONG MY DEAR DARLING,
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND DON'T FOR A MOMENT THINK THAT I FORGOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR DAY!
Yeah I know its late but still, thanks so much for being one of my bestest friends and i hope all your days will be happy. Thanks for all you've ever done for me, which is A LOT, and I'm always here for you.
:) love you lots!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
when i felt so troubled, so pressed from all corners, i immediately wished for you, wished you were with me, even if its just looking at you poring over your work, i don't mind. i knew i just wanted you here with me, right at that moment, because whenever i see you, i feel so much happier and lighter. i don't mind it, because i know you're going through the same thing as me. somehow, your presence makes everything seem better, less stressful, happy and go-lucky like you and that smile of yours.
aaah kory i wish you were home too.
aaah kory i wish you were home too.
It's back to school tomorrow. School's become a place I really don't want to go to anymore. Sometimes, i don't even want to face or look at all of them. I dont want to be associated with them, to think about them, to be anywhere near them. (but can I even do this on my own?! I HAVE TO NO MATTER WHAT, I MUST! MUST!)
Haha I like how Joy says (there was one day when she said this), at 8am in the morning (school officially starts at 7.25am anyway), "I just want to goo home and (sleep)...!", while staring at the clock listlessly. HAHA. It's only 8am, and on that day I think we only got to go home at 5pm because of mocks. But well, that's how I feel everyday and how we feel everyday anyway. Dragging and dreading school.
I appreciate what the teachers are doing and have done for us, really I do. I understand their efforts, and am truly grateful for having such dedicated and hardworking teachers. They really care about us and I'm really touched by this. It's been as hard for you as it has been for us, probably much harder on you all. So thank you so much to all my teachers. I can see the strain and stress on their faces too, and I know its not easy.
But I still dislike school now (very much so). heh. but I really do love the teachers still.
Anyway, there was one day we had double chem (from 1250-230 in the afternoon, which is like major sleepy time.), then ss remedial, then emath mock paper 1 (at least it was paper 1, not so bad!), and we only got to go home at 5.30pm. that is late ok, by the time I reached home, it was about 7 plus already. I'm not complaining, just that we had to drag ourselves to survive that day =P
Thanks to HSJ (THANK YOU JOY CHEE FOR BRINGING YOUR LOVELY PHOTOS WHICH ARE DIRECT FROM JAPAN) photos (sadly, yes its only the photos), we managed to survive. haha can you believe it?! their photos help me get through the day. seriously. when i see their faces it always makes me smile. yay i hope chee brings some more tomorrow and everyday we have school. HSJ=SURVIVAL.
My gosh chee, look what you've done to me! Man but I'm not that overly obsessed and crazy over them. Actually I know why I suddenly seem to have taken an interest in them. Yeah I know why, so at least I know why. hm I might explain it after O's only though.
Haha I like how Joy says (there was one day when she said this), at 8am in the morning (school officially starts at 7.25am anyway), "I just want to goo home and (sleep)...!", while staring at the clock listlessly. HAHA. It's only 8am, and on that day I think we only got to go home at 5pm because of mocks. But well, that's how I feel everyday and how we feel everyday anyway. Dragging and dreading school.
I appreciate what the teachers are doing and have done for us, really I do. I understand their efforts, and am truly grateful for having such dedicated and hardworking teachers. They really care about us and I'm really touched by this. It's been as hard for you as it has been for us, probably much harder on you all. So thank you so much to all my teachers. I can see the strain and stress on their faces too, and I know its not easy.
But I still dislike school now (very much so). heh. but I really do love the teachers still.
Anyway, there was one day we had double chem (from 1250-230 in the afternoon, which is like major sleepy time.), then ss remedial, then emath mock paper 1 (at least it was paper 1, not so bad!), and we only got to go home at 5.30pm. that is late ok, by the time I reached home, it was about 7 plus already. I'm not complaining, just that we had to drag ourselves to survive that day =P
Thanks to HSJ (THANK YOU JOY CHEE FOR BRINGING YOUR LOVELY PHOTOS WHICH ARE DIRECT FROM JAPAN) photos (sadly, yes its only the photos), we managed to survive. haha can you believe it?! their photos help me get through the day. seriously. when i see their faces it always makes me smile. yay i hope chee brings some more tomorrow and everyday we have school. HSJ=SURVIVAL.
My gosh chee, look what you've done to me! Man but I'm not that overly obsessed and crazy over them. Actually I know why I suddenly seem to have taken an interest in them. Yeah I know why, so at least I know why. hm I might explain it after O's only though.
I'm disgusted at myself too. first for trusting you, and also for other reasons not related to this at all. i can't believe myself at times. what am i doing what am i doing what am i doing?! what has happened to me?! i wish someone would..no, i cannot wish for someone, because I know there is noone. only i can change this, solely myself. i have to do it on my own. i have to. how much do i want it? what can i do? please, please, i have to, i have to do this better, work harder. there are no excuses, none at all. i don't want to look back with regrets, and cry and say shoot i knew i could've done this better. no, that terrifies me, i don't ever want to end up in that state. but what terrifies me even more is what i am doing even now. do i even have any sense?! please wake up! i am sooo disgusted at myself.
He didn't take it as badly as i'd expected him to. thank you for that blessing. i can't believe i'm so stupid as to trust you. you, who never honour your word, don't seem to feel ashamed at it, and who thinks i'm always at your beck and call and always ready for cancellations. i don't need you, to be honest. if its not just to appease, i would've long kicked you out of my world and never bothered seeing your stupid face. you don't deserve any respect or any chance, because have you ever considered me? obviously not. i really wish i could trash you out, but i can't. i wish i could just leave you out from my world, but i can't. i wish he wouldn't be so big-headed and always think his way is right, so that you can just get lost. aren't you old and supposed to be mature? yeah right. as if you'll ever learn how to treat people better and realize that the whole world doesnt revolve around just you. i really hate your guts to bits and i wish so bad i don't ever need to see you again. even if to you, its just one person, it already reflects on you, and how badly you've been brought up, never taught to honour your promises? but i shall be the one in control, to not let how much you anger me show, that way, it shows that i'm the superior one, even if you think you are. i'm so disgusted at you.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Next time...
The time is limited, I don't have that many chances, I should seize whatever opportunities I have, because I don't know what's going to happen after November. Maybe I'll never be able to see you, in reality, ever again. Only a few more times left...I wish I had cherished all the other times I had with you, maybe go back in time, realize it earlier, do more things about it.
So is this the answer to my prayer? To numb it? But it hasn't stopped anyway, still think a lot about it; always at the back of my mind. Always, always. Just that today I was feeling beat. pffft. I should make use of opportunities more. I have so many things to say, ask, talk about, but I completely forgot about all of them. HA. Says something doesn't it. My mind was just so whirled up, I couldn't think of anything. Why do all the things that I want to say come to my head (and just about threaten to spill out) only after I see the back of yours? When I see you walking away, not knowing when I'll see you again, not knowing when I'll get another chance. So, I better grab every chance I have, fight desperately for it, because everything's going to fall apart very soon.
The only thing I'll be sad about when Os finally end will be that Raymond's will never be the same again. Our class will be fully revamped, people won't join anymore, others will come in, people will be replaced and timings changed...basically everything will change.
I still remember when I first joined, how lonely and nervous I felt. But its been about 10 months now. We've journeyed together as a class for that long. We've slowly become closer. Actually I really don't know how we became closer. It wasn't through much interaction, because how much interaction can u have during tuition?! I guess it was because of familiarity. Because we seem to see each other so often, we just became close. That's really nice, because now, 10 months after joining, i feel so glad coming for tuition. It's like being reunited with another family. We can all talk together now, both boys and girls together, and not feel awkward or strange. Boys even ask us if we want to go have lunch with them. I'm really glad for all of you, and I'm going to miss our class so much, and all the memories we've had together, even if its just tuition and inside a room with Raymond. hahaha. I love you all, thanks for going on this journey with me. We'll make this last lap together, and hopefully, after that, we can have some gathering of some sort.
i'm already missing you, even though its just been since today.
AIYA, I'm missing many people right now. :( Why does everyone leave?
Ok I gotta go to bed now, tomorrow, its back to studying like a lunatic.
By the way I want to quote Cheryl Tan, "Yeah why don't you move back to ..., then you won't be represented by Boomz shit".
HAHAHA I don't know why but I find this really funny, what she said and the way she said it, it was hilarious!
Night!
So is this the answer to my prayer? To numb it? But it hasn't stopped anyway, still think a lot about it; always at the back of my mind. Always, always. Just that today I was feeling beat. pffft. I should make use of opportunities more. I have so many things to say, ask, talk about, but I completely forgot about all of them. HA. Says something doesn't it. My mind was just so whirled up, I couldn't think of anything. Why do all the things that I want to say come to my head (and just about threaten to spill out) only after I see the back of yours? When I see you walking away, not knowing when I'll see you again, not knowing when I'll get another chance. So, I better grab every chance I have, fight desperately for it, because everything's going to fall apart very soon.
The only thing I'll be sad about when Os finally end will be that Raymond's will never be the same again. Our class will be fully revamped, people won't join anymore, others will come in, people will be replaced and timings changed...basically everything will change.
I still remember when I first joined, how lonely and nervous I felt. But its been about 10 months now. We've journeyed together as a class for that long. We've slowly become closer. Actually I really don't know how we became closer. It wasn't through much interaction, because how much interaction can u have during tuition?! I guess it was because of familiarity. Because we seem to see each other so often, we just became close. That's really nice, because now, 10 months after joining, i feel so glad coming for tuition. It's like being reunited with another family. We can all talk together now, both boys and girls together, and not feel awkward or strange. Boys even ask us if we want to go have lunch with them. I'm really glad for all of you, and I'm going to miss our class so much, and all the memories we've had together, even if its just tuition and inside a room with Raymond. hahaha. I love you all, thanks for going on this journey with me. We'll make this last lap together, and hopefully, after that, we can have some gathering of some sort.
i'm already missing you, even though its just been since today.
AIYA, I'm missing many people right now. :( Why does everyone leave?
Ok I gotta go to bed now, tomorrow, its back to studying like a lunatic.
By the way I want to quote Cheryl Tan, "Yeah why don't you move back to ..., then you won't be represented by Boomz shit".
HAHAHA I don't know why but I find this really funny, what she said and the way she said it, it was hilarious!
Night!
19 sept..
I'm not hoping, nor imagining. I won't look at that door tomorrow, because I simply won't be able to take it if it doesn't happen.
(where were you, I really wanted to talk to you and ask you something of utmost importance..)
So i'm not going to look, I'm not going to carry that hope when I go tomorrow. I might as well just be a dead thing, dying and wasting away on the inside.
I feel your pain, your dread...your sadness (?). I can't believe you could cry, I always saw you as someone who was just floating around in life, happy go lucky, not caring and taking everything in your stride. But cry? A big boy like you...You must be really really afraid.
I wish I could help you, comfort you, try to walk you through your task and this ordeal. But if you make it, you'll emerge really strong. I'll pray for you, and wish you all the best, and do keep safe.
I want to reach out to you, to tell you I care and understand and comfort you and maybe ease your fear, but I won't. We've drifted apart, and have never been really close anyway.
But you're family, and I'll always love you.
So, I love you, be strong and I'll always be supporting you.
(where were you, I really wanted to talk to you and ask you something of utmost importance..)
So i'm not going to look, I'm not going to carry that hope when I go tomorrow. I might as well just be a dead thing, dying and wasting away on the inside.
I feel your pain, your dread...your sadness (?). I can't believe you could cry, I always saw you as someone who was just floating around in life, happy go lucky, not caring and taking everything in your stride. But cry? A big boy like you...You must be really really afraid.
I wish I could help you, comfort you, try to walk you through your task and this ordeal. But if you make it, you'll emerge really strong. I'll pray for you, and wish you all the best, and do keep safe.
I want to reach out to you, to tell you I care and understand and comfort you and maybe ease your fear, but I won't. We've drifted apart, and have never been really close anyway.
But you're family, and I'll always love you.
So, I love you, be strong and I'll always be supporting you.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
don't
don't dream, don't imagine, don't wish, don't hope,
because,
that'll only lead to diappointment and heartbreak.
because,
that'll only lead to diappointment and heartbreak.
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