from now on, if you dont give a shit, i won't care either. i'm tired of always being the one initiating, caring about your affairs and being the only one actually trying to maintain our friendship. i bet if one day i'm gone in your life, it won't even make a difference to you, you'll just go on making lots and lots of new friends right? so i'll just try my best to stop caring right now. you never even consider how i might feel. the whole world does not just revolve around you and YOUR feelings. other people have feelings too, and sometimes, it would really mean a lot if you SEEMED to care, just a little bit. i am soooo tired of always being the one putting in effort. a friendship needs 2 hands to clap, it is made up of TWO PEOPLE. you, my so called (one of my) best friends, show some consideration for me can??? at least, even if we weren't even friends, it would be polite and considerate and courteous to inform me of what you've decided after we have discussed things together. dont always wait for me to ASK YOU. i'm always the one concerned about you right? it is NEVER you asking me unless it has something to do with you.

i try very hard. really i do. i dont know what is wrong and i dont know what else to do. i wonder how long this will take. i feel really miserable, anyone truly understands and knows? unless i make it damn obvious, nobody will ever know. maybe i expect everyone to be ultra sensitive, but not even the people who are supposedly close to me can tell, isn't that sad. its not that i want to be obvious and drag people down and make everyone think that i'm some depressed freak who wants people fawning over me. no. i just dont want to fake happiness, when inside i just feel like crying. sometimes, for a change, i'd like people to ask after me, to show some care and concern, even if i seem to be happy on the outside. nobody does that. seriously, nobody. and i am seriously tired and sick of always being the one asking after everyone else, especially when i get no reciprocation, and especially when i feel i am not remembered at all. i'm a sensitive person, i know.

everyone's fitting in nicely and being all happy, and i truly am happy for them. after all, how far do u expect them to go with you. noone can or will always always ALWAYS be there with you and by your side.