It's so funny how things can change once i see you're back. just a single sign on the computer and there's a huge flip of emotion. No matter how i try to convince myself, i know i can never look at you the same way and i never know when i can truly forget and get over. i can tell others the things i want and hope to achieve, and i can actually think that i believe what i say, but if i see you in real life, yeah my emotions might flip again. who are you? you're nothing. nothing special, really nothing special. sometimes though, i wished i had crawled through that golden window of opportunity. if i had taken your hand, i wonder what it would be like now. you feel so far away from me, perhaps not even caring or forgetting i exist. why? last time, it used to be so much more different and special. or maybe, you just did that to every new person you met. what am i to believe and make out of you? i know so little, i know. i'm trying hard to crack the shell. bit by bit. though i'm tired of it and i get no reciprocation. i'm dreading what i'll find next year...soon to come. suddenly i want to hide away from you and not see you anymore. no i must get over i must i must i must! i can list out all the negative aspects, but i know even that won't help. there's always this little flame which becomes uncontrollable, and then turns into a huge fire. sigh. no, i don't want to go next year and see what i find. :( there'll be better.

had an outing with my primary school girlfriends today. (mei, jie, mich t, amanda, olivia) :D boy am i thankful for them and boy am i thankful for this group which i can call my girlfriends- a group which allows me to hang out with them, having fun and enjoying their company. they accept me for who i am, (and have always done so), and are always game to try out anything. (things which are not overly flambuoyant or extravagant). its been great knowing them all these years. i really hope our friendships won't ever end, because i really really really treasure them very much. whooo i hope i can see you all often!! just being at amanda's house was fun!! :D you all make me happy and i enjoy being with you all truly (even if i might not talk that much hehh). we still have the picnic date okay!! :D:D (and the swimming? hee!!) (and the paintball too? whooo) miss you all already and want to see you all sooooon again! <3

i'm off!

It's such an unearthly hour now, and I really should be sleeping, but just want to say, bye everyone! HAHAHA. Sounds so...pompous or something.

Yosh, i'll be going to Taiwan and Hong Kong, and will be coming back around the 23rd. :) See you folks!

To my other friends going away, like CHIONG, SAM AND CHEEEE, have a wonderful holiday! keep safe ok! may we all be able to see snow.. :D

I'm gonna miss my pri sch friends! EH LETS MEET UP AGAIN BEFORE JC! OKAY OKAY OKAY! I don't care if its mindless aimless activities again HAHAHHA. Hope to see you all soon!

I'm gonna miss my anime too! :( Recently started on soul eater, and it is NICE! But of course, ONE PIECE still rules my heart. Aw, gonna miss Luffy lots, and Soul from soul eater too. HAHAHA.

Have a fun time everyone! and keep safe and happy! SEE YOU ALL SOON! <3

i am not gonna think about you or miss you. BYE! =.=

Our ultimate favourite photo. HAHAHA. Amanda's head is...GONE! :O

MY DARLING GIRL FRIENDS. <3 (Mei looks like a proud mother HAHAHAHA)

<3
Sure, we spent much time stoning, not doing anything and just 'brainstorming', with our heads totally blank and at a loss, but i think the things we did were meaningful (i guess haha), and when we did it, we had lots of fun. when we first saw each other at the train station in the morning, i think we all felt a bit weird and didn't talk much. but after a while, everything became better and i think as we all fell into each others' familiar company once again, we became more comfortable. i felt comfortable myself, and completely at ease, to be in the company of people i've known almost half my life, and whom i've spent lots and lots of time with (in pri sch). although we've been apart for so many years, i still remember how close we all were. we've grown up, changed, and we might feel as if we don't know each other at all but let's not forget our childhood together also, even though it might be insignificant or seem childish and stupid. i'm so glad some of us managed to get together.

we travelled to all the developed places in singapore man. first to suntec, then orchard, then plaza sing. supremely stuck on ideas on what to do, but the games which turned out to be fun and really, broke the tension and awkwardness, and the random things we did here and there all added up to become a wonderful time. we completely owned a white, inflated ball from a counter in suntec, where we wrote down our wishes and hopes and dreams for 2010. the ball is going to be released for the marina bay countdown (i guess), and i'm hoping we can catch a glimpse of our very own special ball, which is kind of unique since the guys totally...hm, decorated it with weird things like a mother earth. HAHAHA. OH NO. SHOULD HAVE TAKEN A PIC OF OUR WONDERFUL BALL!

Then we also walked round the fountain of wealth, splashing ourselves with the cold water, and i guess, secretly wishing in our hearts as we walked the 3 rounds. then we went on alan's adventure, which was to, go to a busstop, then wait for the 3rd bus and get on it, getting out at the 7th stop and walking for 11 mins. we cheated though, so we could end up nicely in a good place like orchard. HAHA. from orchard, we waited for jianghan who conveniently told us he was in THE CATHAY, when we were in orchard cine. hm wth! i was laughing so hard when i was talking on tianhoe's phone to him..i don't know why i found it so funny but yes, i just found it sooo darn hilarious, him being so swaku. then alan took over because i proved incapable of speaking coherently and he just shouted at jianghan for being a swaku ahahahhaha. but turns out, instead of wondering how he miraculously flew from cathay (at plaza sing) to our location in a matter of minutes after getting off the phone with him, he was actually at the basement of what he knows as, THE CATHAY ORCHARD CINELEISURE. Yes, very good loh jianghan.

but in the end, we decided to walk down all the way from orchard to plaza sing, and had dinner at ajisen ramen before finally going back to tampines. thanks to tian, jiang and val for staying with me as i waited for my mum after everyone went home already! heard you all had a nice prata suppper..am jealous!! =P

well, lovely memories of today. i totally loved the company i had and i'm already being greedy and thinking of meeting up with everyone again soon. (even though planning and contacting is mafan and fail AHHA) what to do, i love you guys too much. :D (may we always continue meeting even when we're 80+years old!!!)

thanks for the wonderful day mei, mich c, mich t, jieying, amanda, chian, val, viv, tian, sheng, alan, jiang. <3

for a while, the hole was mended and filled. slowly, you are becoming just a friend. i hope it'll be better like that...maybe. am i ready to just take it at that?

i can't believe this. how could you all just what, forget about us? forget that you have another class? i was so hurt, i don't even know why. i don't think others would feel the same way as me, they probably would just dismiss this with a wave of their hand, but i can't. i dont know why, though i wish i could, because clearly, you all aren't worth any time. how did u all become so close anyway, or why did so many of you go? even the 2 who weren't that into all that, why...is it just because of their looks, or what?! i thought we all had a bond, were close, and that someone was planning something. is it even going to materialize? or are u already satisfied with what you have, conveniently placing us away. wth. i shouldn't care, i shouldn't feel hurt, i dont even think i should even feel all of this because whats wrong with a freaking outing, but i AM. i'm so hurt and sad and i'm angry myself for even bothering. clearly, our bond is not strong enough, and clearly, noone feels it as much as i do. so saying, i was so shocked to have learnt about that. they aren't even in the same class as you! you all are separate! on separate places and ends and all! i am shocked and hurt, and i hope you all haven't forgotten us or our bond. please, even though i feel angry with you all, i still love you all and the class. (BTW THIS IS NOOOOT NOT NOT NOT about my pri sch people. )

sigh, why is it that even though i try so hard, i feel like i'm losing. i'm losing all the people that matter to me, seeing them lead different lives, seeing them have their own band, leaving me out. it feels like a piece of cloth, which has become frayed in so many places, and the threads are just barely holding each other in place anymore. i dont want to lose anyone please. T.T this hurts so much. hurt hurt hurt :( i'm trying, trying very hard, okay?

and no matter how i try, try to forget or get over, i CAN'T. WHY WHY WHY. NOOO. i want to, i need to, i have to. disappear from my life NOW! the worse thing is, you dont know, you dont know how its making me feel, you dont know anything, how i watch it closely and all..how much i miss you. because i really do, so much so much so much and even i can't believe it. i ask myself, whats so special? is there really something so special? and deep inside, i know the answer is no, but then somewhere else, yes resonates. so...what? you dont deserve this, nor do i.but i just can't stop! how?! i want to curse you, hate you for doing this, though i guess its really not your fault at all. but worse, you dont even seem to care, never even talking and probably never even thinking or caring A SINGLE BIT. how could you? even AS A FRIEND. didn't we share that huh, weren't we close, it might have been once upon a time, so looong ago (and i'm sad i didnt grab it, cherish it more), and i think we were both scared of doing anything. HAHA. i really think there was, that perhaps you did want and care like i did. so did it just blow over? blow over you, like normal leaves that are ruffled in the wind. and so now, am i nothing at all to you? nothing?! you're my friend ok, and i care. i wish i get some, even a bit, of reciprocation. and even though you dont give me that simple thing, i still continue, hoping for the impossible, that maybe that sound comes from YOU. which obviously will never ever be. do u even remember i exist in your life. i'm so hurt by you. just something, no matter how little, would be nice. if not, i really needa forget and get over. but i know its not so simple. i can't.

hurt, sad, hurt, sad, that's all i'm feeling right now. (now that i've let it out, i dont really care about the first thing anymore, because the only consolation i get is that you werent part of it.) i still wish for a miracle. been praying so hard, but why is it unanswered. please at least show u haven't forgotten.