last one!

It's the last one today!

Sigh if only you were someone else. eeeek.
And I'm really still hoping hard and praying hard i get that ONE THING, last one for the YEAR and i've hardly gotten it wlao.its like some big miracle if that happens. (though it feels so impossible... :( ) so i hope that a huge miracle'll happen tonight HAHAHA.

must get everyone's numbers!
All the best for today AAAAH!

2 more

2 more sessions with Raymond at suntec. After that, I wonder if i'll ever see you, and all of them again. This hurts my heart, and brings me a feeling which is empty, heavy and utterly sad. i don't know how I'll deal with not seeing you anymore; how that bright light at the end of my week will just die out. OHMY. You really have no idea.

The last 2, the very last 2. I just wish that, you won't be so far. I wish so hard and bad, because its only 2 more, then, .... I have no idea. It's going to be hard letting go. Can't believe I've held on for so long. I bet my brother won't believe it. Even I can't believe it myself!

My nights next week are going to be so lonely.

2 more, 2 more! That's such a small number! We all took class photos today... i am feeling sooo nostalgic and sentimental.
2 more. That's also only if you do come anyway, the unpredictable, evasive you. I feel like telling you everything, I wonder if I'll ever get the chance.

i pray and wish sooo hard, please please please. just once please, please give me that! I haven't been so demanding have i? PLEASE. anyway, I'm going to make sure i get that. that one, I WILL. this one, i pray and wish. PLEASE AAAH!

aw kl all the best ok! haha i want to watch you bowl one day.

Raymond: "All the best guys, bye, miss you. Update me with your life!" AW <3

tag replies MRS NAKAJIMA, CHIONG AND MEIII!

MRS NAKAJIMA: OOOI YOU. HOW DARE U HAVE A WEDDING AND BECOME MMRSS NAKAJIMA WITHOUT INVITING ME AH! make me lose my chance to see yamada man POOT.hahaha. Come back soon from Japan and visit my blog and tag! YAY THANKS!

CHIONG: heee. thankeee for always visiting! you jia you and dont be so pissed too! my anger always passes la, not alarming or whatever. =D

MEI!: HELLOOO DEAR MEI! YAY YOU STILL COME TO MY BLOG! COME OFTEN OK! HAHAHA MISSSS YOU MOOORE! After o's must go out with me ok! <3

you'll never know

After today,
you'll probably,

Never know how I felt,
Never know how much I thought and thought,
Never know what I said to others, going on and on,
Never know what it meant to see you,
Never know what that brilliant smile meant to me and my week ahead,
Never know how (so, very extremely) happy I felt,
Never know anything other than everything at the surface.

Will you just walk out of my life like you entered it? Probably. Most likely. I didn't even get that one chance I longed and yearned for so badly. Its not even anything bad. Why weren't my prayers answered on this one?
So, its probably just going to end here. Like this. Normally. Pity. Because I knew we could've been so much more, better and closer friends too.
Shucks, I still can't let you go yet. I can't believe you'll just leave my life like that. I want to try to catch you, but I know I never can nor never will.

There's so much you'll never know.

last time as a class

Today (since its past 12am OOPS) is going to be the last time I'll ever be having Raymonds as a class, with all my fellow Raymonds classmates together. Wow. Time really really flies. I can't believe that after today, we'll all go our separate ways, maybe never seeing each other again. Man, that hurts my heart, thinking how we might never see one another ever again. We've really come so far together. From that time I joined in November last year, our journey has been a real fun and enjoyable one.
I can still remember how scared I was, when I first joined. I never wanted to look anyone in the eye, and the class was quiet as a tomb. Noone spoke to anyone, and it was just so dead and horrible.
But then, slowly, everyone started to open up and talk to each other. As I said, it was the familiarity that sunk in, which reached out to all of us, and maybe, the journey we had to go on together.
Now, we've finally reached that point, the exit path. After tomorrow, i'm really really going to miss everything, I'm going to miss it so much so much, my heart's really aching. I can't believe I could feel so attached to a tuition class.
I can't say why I love everyone so much, but I'm so glad I got this chance to take this road, and meet all this people, and be a part of something so nice. Somehow, math seems so much more bearable that I know we're all in this together.
The tests early in the morning, at 8am, they're finally over and done with. Hah, who could forget, the very first time we came for the test, Ivan appeared like a drunkard, collapsing and staggering against the door, gasping "Who in the world wakes up at 8am for test in tuition!?" LOL.
The PRESENTATIONS. woah, where Raymond loved making fun of us. Even though these were trying and embarrassing and nervous times, I miss them lots too. We always laughed a lot at the poor presenter's demise. HEHHEHHEH.

The CLASS, and my CLASSMATES, my dear people (and of course raymond, though I'll still see him hahahaha), i'm going to miss hanging around with them, sitting in class and listening to them banter with Raymond and of course, the childish antics from the boys. HM.

I don't know why I feel so sentimental. I wonder if anyone else feels this much emotions about a simple tuition class. But still, I know how much I want today's 3 hour session to last forever and ever. 3 hour's probably too short. :(
Man, I'm already missing you guys. I'll make sure I treasure every minute, second, milli second, micro second today.
Love you all.

golden haired perfection

I'd choose the golden haired, angelic, perfect looking french.
I'd reach across that expanse (which is nothingness) to take that outstretched hand.
I'd never have to see the hurt in your eyes or feel my heart breaking because yours did too.
I wish you could just take me away.



if only it weren't a dream; my golden haired, angelic perfection.

wrinkled up

I'm so wrinkled up, dry and crumbly.
Inside its hollow,
Nothing beats anymore.
There's no more hope,
I don't want to imagine,
I'm falling out,
I'm tired of waiting and being passive.
I wish you'd start it first, please.

I only ask for once. Only once. (But if I do get one, I'll want more...and is that wrong? That's natural for man right, being greedy, grabbing more chances when we should be thankful for the only one we managed to get.)
But I haven't even got this one. I desperately want this one. i'm trying to save, push, move everything aside just in hope of this one. O N E. is all I need and want. at least 1.
I've prayed so hard about it, did You hear me? i'll pray harder then. You have no idea how much I want it, please let it come true.

I want to run away. I don't want to go near them. One only harps on things which I find so trivial and anal, sometimes I even feel he talks to me about them on purpose with the aim of irritating me. Do I not make it plain to see that i DO NOT want to talk about topics like that? Doing things which you tell others not to, not doing things you preach, what kind of example are you setting?! I'd like to stomp on that inflated head of yours someday.
And you, why is it when i want to talk to you, that you have nothing to say and don't even bother responding sometimes?! i should just NOT EVER talk to you, since you don't even bother responding. do u know how I hate it when people don't respond? I absolutely hate it. And when you miraculously feel like talking, you nag so terribly about things which you have said countless of times, and about things which just make me feel even more inadequate and angry. Thanks a lot.

Some people are making me so annoyed and pissed. Back off, I don't want to talk to you.

Tuition

Today, tuition was entertaining. HAHA so many weird topics raymond lapsed into...and with khatib and the boys egging him on, it got soo funny man. I love my math tuition! I am so going to miss it when o's are over. Already, our last saturday session, with test, is this week. So fast! Our journey together's gonna be over soon. I'm glad I got to join it though, and even though its at the Bras Basah side, which is far from my beloved cousins, i'm still so glad everything worked out properly and that our class is so...interesting. =D

The boys were being childish today, throwing little bits of eraser around. =.= HOW STUPID IS THAT?! 16 years old...yes, 16 and still throwing eraser at others.
It was so lame Rachael and I were laughing like crazy behind. We sit right at the back with all the guys...ahhaha, can witness them doing all their stupid, silly, childish antics. I'm going to miss all this. :(
Raymond's passionately teaching us, facing the front and explaining..and i DO LISTEN OK. I listen to his explanations and all, but I find it so hilarious that behind his back little bits of white eraser pieces go flying around the room =.=, and he doesn't suspect a thing. Then when he turns to look at us and the guys, ahhahaha, I just nearly want to explode with laughter. The guys just sit there as if they're so innocent.

Some quotes from today (will be slightly edited, also because I can't really remember)

Raymond: "For the girls, must starve and not eat anything. For the guys...the problem's mainly the tummy." (haha, on looking good)

(when the topic deviated to fanciful drinks like wine and...jolly shandy?! and beer and all..)
Khatib: "No la, I don't drink any of those, I like drinking MILO."
HAHAHAHAHAA!

I love my tuition class so much! =D

found it!

I finally found it, while I was pedalling furiously on a piece of machinery, no less, watching the repeat telecast of Singapore Idol.
Yup, finally found it when Duane Ho (who i am supporting because he's the same age as us..and is he taking o's this year too? I think so man! ALL THE BEST! May your Idol journey be really really worth it!) sang the song...

It's 當你 by 王心凌

當你的眼睛 瞇著 笑
當 你喝可 樂當你吵
我想對你好　你 從 來不知 道
想 你想你　也 能成為嗜好

當 你說 今 天的煩 惱
我想 對你說　卻 害 怕 都 說 錯
好 喜 歡 你　知不 知 道

YAY! HAHAHA. At last! :) For those who even bother reading the chinese words, they're in fan ti zi, but its okay, I think you'll still be able to recognise the words.
Hm it really does reflect on it, yay I finally managed to pin it down and find it! whooo.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA JEAN!!

EMMA JEAN MY DEAREST COUSIN,

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Love you so much! :)
I'm so sorry I couldnt make it on Saturday. You have no idea how sad I felt about not being able to go. (so many sacrifices, they really make me feel miserable...so so miserable.)
After O's ok! Definitely definitely definitely! And we'll make this Christmas a blast!
See you soon! May you always be happy! God bless! <3

emotionless

At times i just feel emotionless, feeling this big emptiness inside me, just feeling completely nothing at all, wanting nothing at all, seemingly seeing nothing at all, with just images of what I'm currently doing absently flashing by.

An emotionless state.
No space, no time, no energy to be thinking about you..no feelings at all. But I don't want it to go away.
A complete hole, not even wanting food! (can you believe that!)

Don't know if they'll ever see this, but 2 people have made me extremely glad and touched. These 2 people are

LEE MEI YING
LIM JOYANN

2 of my primary school besties. :)
They each contacted me on their own accord, wishing me luck and just sending me nice wishes.
I'm so glad that there're people out there who still care and remember.
Thank you so much you 2. Love you and miss you!