my heart is hurting and aching like crap.
too tired to say more even though a thousand thoughts were whirring about my head just now.
feeling so........
sad.
its killing me.
and i feel so insecure about going now.
good night.

A simple phone call with contents nothing special or interesting or important at all can make me so happy. I really smile everytime I think about it.
I finally hear the voice which I miss and long for so immensely much.
I can't believe a single phone call can evoke this much emotion. Maybe it was just the voice. The voice which means you're REALLY talking to me, giving me that short span of attention. The voice, which is YOURS. And that's all the reason I need to feel this utmost amount of joy.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY miss you. And I really really really want to see you. I really really do.
As a friend.
...

I still don't know if I can...
Emotions are volatile, they will flip, I am sure, when things are presented to me differently.
I think its madness the way someone can have a control over us.

You don't know how I value this call, even though i made it, and even though it was seriously about nothing at all- a kind of call you'd answer to anyone.
I want to cry as I think of the times we can't share together anymore. and I know you don't even care.
This is going nowhere, and I need help.

Romantic by Shinee is playing on my itunes right now...it makes me think of lots of things. And how I used to listen to it at night, EVERY night, before I slept, thinking and thinking and thinking and lusting.

from now on, if you dont give a shit, i won't care either. i'm tired of always being the one initiating, caring about your affairs and being the only one actually trying to maintain our friendship. i bet if one day i'm gone in your life, it won't even make a difference to you, you'll just go on making lots and lots of new friends right? so i'll just try my best to stop caring right now. you never even consider how i might feel. the whole world does not just revolve around you and YOUR feelings. other people have feelings too, and sometimes, it would really mean a lot if you SEEMED to care, just a little bit. i am soooo tired of always being the one putting in effort. a friendship needs 2 hands to clap, it is made up of TWO PEOPLE. you, my so called (one of my) best friends, show some consideration for me can??? at least, even if we weren't even friends, it would be polite and considerate and courteous to inform me of what you've decided after we have discussed things together. dont always wait for me to ASK YOU. i'm always the one concerned about you right? it is NEVER you asking me unless it has something to do with you.

i try very hard. really i do. i dont know what is wrong and i dont know what else to do. i wonder how long this will take. i feel really miserable, anyone truly understands and knows? unless i make it damn obvious, nobody will ever know. maybe i expect everyone to be ultra sensitive, but not even the people who are supposedly close to me can tell, isn't that sad. its not that i want to be obvious and drag people down and make everyone think that i'm some depressed freak who wants people fawning over me. no. i just dont want to fake happiness, when inside i just feel like crying. sometimes, for a change, i'd like people to ask after me, to show some care and concern, even if i seem to be happy on the outside. nobody does that. seriously, nobody. and i am seriously tired and sick of always being the one asking after everyone else, especially when i get no reciprocation, and especially when i feel i am not remembered at all. i'm a sensitive person, i know.

everyone's fitting in nicely and being all happy, and i truly am happy for them. after all, how far do u expect them to go with you. noone can or will always always ALWAYS be there with you and by your side.

I've got a V shaped tan from my SC Pe shirt, and this has caused my neck to turn red, in a V shape no less. LOL. Sounds funny but it looks kind of scary. This came about because we were out playing games in the sun this afternoon, during the hottest time of the day!!

But still, I enjoyed myself immensely. Even though i got that sexy tan (HA), and am feeling very drained and rather achy, I'm enjoying the orientation put together by the HC SC. I know they must have put in a LOT of effort, and they're always trying to be enthusiastic for us, and I appreciate their effort very very much. Thank you so much seniors!

There are people that just make you feel comfortable easily. Their disposition, simply laughing and smiling at everything makes me just want to stay with them forever. :) I'm glad I can meet these people, though they're extremely rare. I don't like it when people just make friends with you on a superficial level, and this makes me wonder very much if you truly treasure us and what you truly feel about us, and if you can think about something else other than always wanting to charge ahead.

I am truly glad you all remembered. Those memories and days and bonds, they seem so far away and I can't believe that once (reading my past blog posts), I loved it so much. I wonder if you all still remember the deep bond we had, and how much fun and pain we went through together. But I know that event will be shared amongst us, like an unspoken, common bond. I hope that time will be able to bring us closer together again, like last time. We have about 1 and a half years together, I'm going to try for it.

And I am especially glad that YOU remembered, and even got the pronounciation right! Actually, I can't even believe we know each other. I don't even really feel like we're proper friends! Um...but I hope we can become closer too! :) veryy much so!

everytime I think about that, I can't help it but smile. I should forget it entirely, but seems like I can't. It seemed so honest and innocent, HAHA. I guess I might have really shut that other door (and locked it) already.
NIGHT. REST IS MUCH NEEDED. :D

I really should be sleeping now, getting enough rest so I won't act like a zombie tomorrow. School is finally starting. It's rather scary, entering a different world, with different people. I'm glad that I have some of my closest friends with me in the same school, even though we might be separated in the end. I really wonder how these next 2 years will be like, and I am praying very hard for them to be smooth-sailing. Of course, I'll have to work extremely hard too, putting in my effort like never before. This goes without saying. Am I ready for it? I hope so. Well, I have to be even if I'm not.

I had a nice conversation with Eugenia Siah today. I miss her a lot a lot. She'll never ever see this but anyway, Eug I still really love you! After talking to her, I realize how much i miss the times when we were doing projects together, laughing about stupid stuff, doing weird things. And i realize that even though we're not that close anymore, not really talking, I still always want to be able to talk to you and be your friend! We'll still stay close won't we?

As I prepare to start tomorrow, and a whole new life, I feel like I'm closing some part of my life. Shutting it away and just moving forward. But still, I'm sad I don't get to do this with you, sharing this part of my life with you. We live in different worlds now, don't we? Completely different lives. sigh.

All the best to everyone! Stay happy and have lotsa fun! And manss do I just absolutely love talking to my primary school friends. I love my primary school friends to bits! :D NIGHT EVERYONE.

I don't know but,
I think I may be falling for you,
Dropping so quickly,
Maybe I should,
Keep this to myself,
Wait until I know you better,
I am trying, not to tell you,
But I want to,
I am scared of what you'll say,
So I'm hiding,
What I'm feeling,
But I'm tired of,
Holding this inside my head.

I've been spending all my, time,
Just thinking about you,
I don't know what to do,
I think I'm falling for you.

Songs are probably like books, reflecting the human condition, the way people think and feel. :) How lovely.

Why won't it work out for me, when others seem to have it so easy. Even though I pray so hard, so fervently, this aspect still hasn't been answered. If I've always been blessed with what I truly desire and want, can't this be included too? It's been a long long time.
Today makes it hard too. Being in such an unfamiliar place, with so many unfamiliar people, not being able to have my darling same tuition friends, its really terrible. it makes me miss all of you so so extremely extremely absolutely MUCH. I wish soo hard that we could still be the same class, working and joking around with each other. It's the place i always always looked forward to going. But now, we're all dispersed. It's so miserable. Thinking about it really just makes me want to cry. Sure, i go there to learn, and I must convince myself so. But I just wished I had all of you all with me. :( Knowing i can't talk to you about this makes me utterly sad. i want you guys, and nobody else. we must continue seeing each other and having gatherings!

I think I understand how my bro is feeling (well, partially), since i'm also feeling like how he is. its not a nice feeling. help me, do something, SAY something, ASK me. i can't believe you're that thick and dense. even so, i still can't help myself. and, you've become better. just don't become thatt outlandish hahaha! miss you and i neeeed to see you.

Today makes it much harder for me. when i see you walking alone, all i want to do is run up to you, grab your hand, hug you, never let you go, never say goodbye. i wonder what i should do. its not going to go away so easily, nor can i get over so easily. :(

It's so funny how things can change once i see you're back. just a single sign on the computer and there's a huge flip of emotion. No matter how i try to convince myself, i know i can never look at you the same way and i never know when i can truly forget and get over. i can tell others the things i want and hope to achieve, and i can actually think that i believe what i say, but if i see you in real life, yeah my emotions might flip again. who are you? you're nothing. nothing special, really nothing special. sometimes though, i wished i had crawled through that golden window of opportunity. if i had taken your hand, i wonder what it would be like now. you feel so far away from me, perhaps not even caring or forgetting i exist. why? last time, it used to be so much more different and special. or maybe, you just did that to every new person you met. what am i to believe and make out of you? i know so little, i know. i'm trying hard to crack the shell. bit by bit. though i'm tired of it and i get no reciprocation. i'm dreading what i'll find next year...soon to come. suddenly i want to hide away from you and not see you anymore. no i must get over i must i must i must! i can list out all the negative aspects, but i know even that won't help. there's always this little flame which becomes uncontrollable, and then turns into a huge fire. sigh. no, i don't want to go next year and see what i find. :( there'll be better.

had an outing with my primary school girlfriends today. (mei, jie, mich t, amanda, olivia) :D boy am i thankful for them and boy am i thankful for this group which i can call my girlfriends- a group which allows me to hang out with them, having fun and enjoying their company. they accept me for who i am, (and have always done so), and are always game to try out anything. (things which are not overly flambuoyant or extravagant). its been great knowing them all these years. i really hope our friendships won't ever end, because i really really really treasure them very much. whooo i hope i can see you all often!! just being at amanda's house was fun!! :D you all make me happy and i enjoy being with you all truly (even if i might not talk that much hehh). we still have the picnic date okay!! :D:D (and the swimming? hee!!) (and the paintball too? whooo) miss you all already and want to see you all sooooon again! <3

i'm off!

It's such an unearthly hour now, and I really should be sleeping, but just want to say, bye everyone! HAHAHA. Sounds so...pompous or something.

Yosh, i'll be going to Taiwan and Hong Kong, and will be coming back around the 23rd. :) See you folks!

To my other friends going away, like CHIONG, SAM AND CHEEEE, have a wonderful holiday! keep safe ok! may we all be able to see snow.. :D

I'm gonna miss my pri sch friends! EH LETS MEET UP AGAIN BEFORE JC! OKAY OKAY OKAY! I don't care if its mindless aimless activities again HAHAHHA. Hope to see you all soon!

I'm gonna miss my anime too! :( Recently started on soul eater, and it is NICE! But of course, ONE PIECE still rules my heart. Aw, gonna miss Luffy lots, and Soul from soul eater too. HAHAHA.

Have a fun time everyone! and keep safe and happy! SEE YOU ALL SOON! <3

i am not gonna think about you or miss you. BYE! =.=

Our ultimate favourite photo. HAHAHA. Amanda's head is...GONE! :O

MY DARLING GIRL FRIENDS. <3 (Mei looks like a proud mother HAHAHAHA)

<3
Sure, we spent much time stoning, not doing anything and just 'brainstorming', with our heads totally blank and at a loss, but i think the things we did were meaningful (i guess haha), and when we did it, we had lots of fun. when we first saw each other at the train station in the morning, i think we all felt a bit weird and didn't talk much. but after a while, everything became better and i think as we all fell into each others' familiar company once again, we became more comfortable. i felt comfortable myself, and completely at ease, to be in the company of people i've known almost half my life, and whom i've spent lots and lots of time with (in pri sch). although we've been apart for so many years, i still remember how close we all were. we've grown up, changed, and we might feel as if we don't know each other at all but let's not forget our childhood together also, even though it might be insignificant or seem childish and stupid. i'm so glad some of us managed to get together.

we travelled to all the developed places in singapore man. first to suntec, then orchard, then plaza sing. supremely stuck on ideas on what to do, but the games which turned out to be fun and really, broke the tension and awkwardness, and the random things we did here and there all added up to become a wonderful time. we completely owned a white, inflated ball from a counter in suntec, where we wrote down our wishes and hopes and dreams for 2010. the ball is going to be released for the marina bay countdown (i guess), and i'm hoping we can catch a glimpse of our very own special ball, which is kind of unique since the guys totally...hm, decorated it with weird things like a mother earth. HAHAHA. OH NO. SHOULD HAVE TAKEN A PIC OF OUR WONDERFUL BALL!

Then we also walked round the fountain of wealth, splashing ourselves with the cold water, and i guess, secretly wishing in our hearts as we walked the 3 rounds. then we went on alan's adventure, which was to, go to a busstop, then wait for the 3rd bus and get on it, getting out at the 7th stop and walking for 11 mins. we cheated though, so we could end up nicely in a good place like orchard. HAHA. from orchard, we waited for jianghan who conveniently told us he was in THE CATHAY, when we were in orchard cine. hm wth! i was laughing so hard when i was talking on tianhoe's phone to him..i don't know why i found it so funny but yes, i just found it sooo darn hilarious, him being so swaku. then alan took over because i proved incapable of speaking coherently and he just shouted at jianghan for being a swaku ahahahhaha. but turns out, instead of wondering how he miraculously flew from cathay (at plaza sing) to our location in a matter of minutes after getting off the phone with him, he was actually at the basement of what he knows as, THE CATHAY ORCHARD CINELEISURE. Yes, very good loh jianghan.

but in the end, we decided to walk down all the way from orchard to plaza sing, and had dinner at ajisen ramen before finally going back to tampines. thanks to tian, jiang and val for staying with me as i waited for my mum after everyone went home already! heard you all had a nice prata suppper..am jealous!! =P

well, lovely memories of today. i totally loved the company i had and i'm already being greedy and thinking of meeting up with everyone again soon. (even though planning and contacting is mafan and fail AHHA) what to do, i love you guys too much. :D (may we always continue meeting even when we're 80+years old!!!)

thanks for the wonderful day mei, mich c, mich t, jieying, amanda, chian, val, viv, tian, sheng, alan, jiang. <3

for a while, the hole was mended and filled. slowly, you are becoming just a friend. i hope it'll be better like that...maybe. am i ready to just take it at that?

i can't believe this. how could you all just what, forget about us? forget that you have another class? i was so hurt, i don't even know why. i don't think others would feel the same way as me, they probably would just dismiss this with a wave of their hand, but i can't. i dont know why, though i wish i could, because clearly, you all aren't worth any time. how did u all become so close anyway, or why did so many of you go? even the 2 who weren't that into all that, why...is it just because of their looks, or what?! i thought we all had a bond, were close, and that someone was planning something. is it even going to materialize? or are u already satisfied with what you have, conveniently placing us away. wth. i shouldn't care, i shouldn't feel hurt, i dont even think i should even feel all of this because whats wrong with a freaking outing, but i AM. i'm so hurt and sad and i'm angry myself for even bothering. clearly, our bond is not strong enough, and clearly, noone feels it as much as i do. so saying, i was so shocked to have learnt about that. they aren't even in the same class as you! you all are separate! on separate places and ends and all! i am shocked and hurt, and i hope you all haven't forgotten us or our bond. please, even though i feel angry with you all, i still love you all and the class. (BTW THIS IS NOOOOT NOT NOT NOT about my pri sch people. )

sigh, why is it that even though i try so hard, i feel like i'm losing. i'm losing all the people that matter to me, seeing them lead different lives, seeing them have their own band, leaving me out. it feels like a piece of cloth, which has become frayed in so many places, and the threads are just barely holding each other in place anymore. i dont want to lose anyone please. T.T this hurts so much. hurt hurt hurt :( i'm trying, trying very hard, okay?

and no matter how i try, try to forget or get over, i CAN'T. WHY WHY WHY. NOOO. i want to, i need to, i have to. disappear from my life NOW! the worse thing is, you dont know, you dont know how its making me feel, you dont know anything, how i watch it closely and all..how much i miss you. because i really do, so much so much so much and even i can't believe it. i ask myself, whats so special? is there really something so special? and deep inside, i know the answer is no, but then somewhere else, yes resonates. so...what? you dont deserve this, nor do i.but i just can't stop! how?! i want to curse you, hate you for doing this, though i guess its really not your fault at all. but worse, you dont even seem to care, never even talking and probably never even thinking or caring A SINGLE BIT. how could you? even AS A FRIEND. didn't we share that huh, weren't we close, it might have been once upon a time, so looong ago (and i'm sad i didnt grab it, cherish it more), and i think we were both scared of doing anything. HAHA. i really think there was, that perhaps you did want and care like i did. so did it just blow over? blow over you, like normal leaves that are ruffled in the wind. and so now, am i nothing at all to you? nothing?! you're my friend ok, and i care. i wish i get some, even a bit, of reciprocation. and even though you dont give me that simple thing, i still continue, hoping for the impossible, that maybe that sound comes from YOU. which obviously will never ever be. do u even remember i exist in your life. i'm so hurt by you. just something, no matter how little, would be nice. if not, i really needa forget and get over. but i know its not so simple. i can't.

hurt, sad, hurt, sad, that's all i'm feeling right now. (now that i've let it out, i dont really care about the first thing anymore, because the only consolation i get is that you werent part of it.) i still wish for a miracle. been praying so hard, but why is it unanswered. please at least show u haven't forgotten.

Feeling slightly happier now, because of a specific reason. :D
I still wish for more though, duh, because this doesn't feel like much. Sigh, when can I see and hear the real thing.
Watched A Christmas Carol today with Andrea, Kristen Tan and Sam! =) It was quite scary though! Many surprises and shocks here and there, especially when the ghosts come out and their hand gestures and all.

AFA TOMORROW! Excited! =D

I was excited to be able to go somewhere with my bro, because he's also setting off early in the morning to go to jurong point, and maybe have breakfast with him. It's fun being with my bro cos usually i always don't get to spend time with him and I do miss him. But he was being all Mr Sunshine-y on me. =.= He was just grunting and snuffling when I talked to him (rather enthusiastically). WLAO What is your problem. thanks a lot for always treating me like that when i genuinely miss you and want to spend some time with you! stupid.

sighhhh miss you so much, hope i can see you soon and talk to you soon. miss you miss you miss you! aaah! feel like killing you one day.

PRESENTING, TAKAHATA MISAKI! (he's 16 too LOL)

MISAKI IN SCRAP TEACHER! =D (he was a bad boy though HAHAH)

He was in BI Shadow, some teenage jap pop group, but he quit. T.T (I'm sure you can pick out who he is even though this pic contains 3 guys right? Since there're so many pics of him above.. =P)


SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST! I REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS PIC OF THEM. OF COURSE, I ESPECIALLY LOVE MISAKI! He looks SOOO COOL in the specs!

(ok sigh I don't want to fan girl...I'm not obsessed with him. I just like him quite a lot that's all LOL) <3

dramas

Watched momo love episode 5 today, and finished watching scrap teacher!

I don't think I really like watching romantic dramas, because they make us all swoon and lust over this perfect, unattainable guy; a guy that is (very most likely) NOT going to ever appear in real life. The things that these perfect guys do in dramas are probably not going to happen in real life, so they just make me feel more disappointed, and makes me have this warped view of love and relationships. HAHA. But I know many people still love watching dramas, and well yeah, I guess I do too, seeing how the drama unfolds and envying the lead girls who get all their wonderful guys. (Actually I guess I don't like seeing this...)

But I feel that dramas always have expected endings =( The endings should have more surprise! OKAY. I know I don't watch that many dramas, but then, somehow, of all the dramas I know and have watched, the endings are all expected. ZZZ. Like BOF, man how i wished that Jan Di could be with JiHoo, but NOO. As usual, (what else do you expect), she ends up with Jun Pyo, the guy who buys her over with his pots of money and steals her away when Ji Hoo went away. COME ON. Even if the DIRECTOR'S INTENTION was to please the audience, I'm sure people won't mind if you just gave a twist to the ending and let the poor, lonely Ji Hoo have Jan Di. After all, I think he's done much more for her, and understands her better. And for goong, i didn't watch it (and I can't bring myself to continue past the first episode even though I've tried twice), but duhh I know who the girl's gonna end up with. For You're Beautiful, (the anime Andrea's pestering me to watch and the one Chiong's starting now), aiya, I just watch some MVs, and I already know who's gonna end up with the girl. I mean, if you already know who's going to end up with who, why still watch. The ending's not going to change and I'm just going to feel super mad and frustrated with the director and the characters HAHAHA. After a while, you're just watching the trials and tribulations and the problems that these 2 characters go through just to be with each other. Throw in ex girlfriends and ex boyfriends and third parties, parental disapproval, dream chasing, moving away, sudden change of heart...that about makes up all the problems. But you know that, in the end, they will still be together no matter what. HMM. Like that would really happen in real life.

HAHA OKAY SORRY. I know I sound like I'm totally slamming dramas, but this is just how I feel. Its ok, dramas are still very very nice! I shall grit my teeth and continue on with momo love simply because I like the character of HUANG YUYI, played by our dear SINGAPOREAN HUANG JING LUN. He is hilarious and I really enjoy watching his antics. Also partly for Jiro Wang...but not really la. Sigh. I already know tao hua's gonna end up with him.. zzz. And at the beginning of the drama, in the first ep, how did tao hua get to know shi lang (jiro's character), you ask? Well, she and her friend spied this guy's back, and said he was a handsome guy. Then, suuuch a coincidence, this handsome guy (shi lang DUH), and tao hua get off at the same busstop, and it was raining. And tao hua didn't have an umbrella. And well, what do you know, shi lang gives her his umbrella! Sacrificing himself and running back out in the rain with just his hoodie. AWWW. Well, that makes you lust and swoon doesn't it. I have to keep reminding myself this will NOT happen in real life. Please, will a guy seriously just pass an umbrella to a complete stranger? He probably would only if the girl was really pretty and he wanted to get to know her or something. OKAY. It MIGHT happen, but what are the chances? Our life is NOT a drama. Well, I guess that's why dramas are created then, to transport us to this different world, where we can imagine, swoon, lust, go crazy over pretty boys...sigh.

(let me continue on a bit more...and what a COINCIDENCE, shi lang turns out to be tao hua's brother's friend from a long time ago. WOW. huhhhh. is there such a coincidence in real life? HAHAHA.)

Ok, at least in momo love, shi lang didn't immediately fall for tao hua. at least that makes it a bit more bearable. =P

Alright, I don't want to make anymore drama lovers angry at me. This is just how I feel. :) So saying, I liked scrap teacher quite a lot. Though there wasn't any romance in it and the endings and story line weren't predictable and zzz.

And, I have suddenly taken a huge liking to TAKAHATA MISAKI. (oops, see how dramas make you crazy over pretty boys? SIGH I don't like this)

At first look, he's not thaaat good looking, but after a while, like Joy says, he kinds of grows on you, and man, he IS COOL AND GOOD LOOKING! So, I've saved a few photos of him (all taken from the net, thanks to the people who put them up! these photos are NOT MINE), and i shall put them up here so everyone can also savour his wonderfulness WHOO!

SHALL PUT THE PICS IN ANOTHER POST!

there's one more thing i need to make my joy and freedom from after o's complete. really, i feel this hole and emptiness in me. i can't believe people can actually feel like that. still feel so miserable, and even though i have absolutely heavenly friends whom i love so much, they can't replace you nor can they patch up this hole. i wish i could just forget or stop; this is so pathetic, but i don't know why, i just can't. i pray about it even; this is impossible, it seems wrong to be praying about such things. one day i'm going to kill you for making me like this. one day i'm going to tell you everything too. i'm eagerly waiting for that chance.

pre prom to dos!

Pre Prom is stressful! I've got a whole list of to-dos right now, before I head down to Orchard to do up myself. I shall post my to-dos here cos I need to see a list so that I can mentally check off what I've done and what I have to do, and I don't know why i'm posting it up on my blog but I just feel like it. :)

1. Iron my dress! Aaah dreading this because everytime I iron, I always feel as though the piece of clothing still doesn't look good enough. At least I shifted the ironing board out into the living room, where its cooler and I can listen to my music on my laptop AHHAHAHA.

2. Pack my dress into those suit casings. But prior to that, must wipe the casing first. Then hang up the dress and try my best NOT TO GET IT CRUMPLED.

3. Put on some gel thingy at the back of my shoes.

4. Pack my prom stuff, without forgetting anything.

5. Shower.

6. Will probably take a cab down to orchard since it'll be so funny to carry around my dress and shoes and all that in an mrt and bus. Besides, I'm trying my best not to get sweaty.

trying to crack my brains very hard on wondering how to not get my dress crumpled and how to not get sweaty. HAHAHA. sighh. I really really hope my dress doesn't get crumpled and I really really hope I can survive the night in my shoes cos my calves have been aching very badly since sunday. =(

okay I probably should get down to my ironing now. I take very long to iron, fussing over many minute details. arghhh.

miss you

i miss you so much,
i wish i could see you,
i wish i could see your smile,
i wish i could hear your voice,
i wish i could talk to you properly,
i wish you were here.
i thought maybe, if you were gone, it'd fade away. but, seems like it only intensified and grew. gosh i miss you so very much.

VALERIE KHOO, VANESSA KHOO, I MISS YOU TWO SO MUCH SO MUCH SO MUCH TOO! I'm utterly sad you 2 can't be here to celebrate our happiness! Gosh can't wait to see you all soooon! I MISS YOU 2 LOVIES!

so many people close to me seem to be leaving, or have already left. this is the pain of growing up, and having to learn to let go.

last one!

It's the last one today!

Sigh if only you were someone else. eeeek.
And I'm really still hoping hard and praying hard i get that ONE THING, last one for the YEAR and i've hardly gotten it wlao.its like some big miracle if that happens. (though it feels so impossible... :( ) so i hope that a huge miracle'll happen tonight HAHAHA.

must get everyone's numbers!
All the best for today AAAAH!

2 more

2 more sessions with Raymond at suntec. After that, I wonder if i'll ever see you, and all of them again. This hurts my heart, and brings me a feeling which is empty, heavy and utterly sad. i don't know how I'll deal with not seeing you anymore; how that bright light at the end of my week will just die out. OHMY. You really have no idea.

The last 2, the very last 2. I just wish that, you won't be so far. I wish so hard and bad, because its only 2 more, then, .... I have no idea. It's going to be hard letting go. Can't believe I've held on for so long. I bet my brother won't believe it. Even I can't believe it myself!

My nights next week are going to be so lonely.

2 more, 2 more! That's such a small number! We all took class photos today... i am feeling sooo nostalgic and sentimental.
2 more. That's also only if you do come anyway, the unpredictable, evasive you. I feel like telling you everything, I wonder if I'll ever get the chance.

i pray and wish sooo hard, please please please. just once please, please give me that! I haven't been so demanding have i? PLEASE. anyway, I'm going to make sure i get that. that one, I WILL. this one, i pray and wish. PLEASE AAAH!

aw kl all the best ok! haha i want to watch you bowl one day.

Raymond: "All the best guys, bye, miss you. Update me with your life!" AW <3

tag replies MRS NAKAJIMA, CHIONG AND MEIII!

MRS NAKAJIMA: OOOI YOU. HOW DARE U HAVE A WEDDING AND BECOME MMRSS NAKAJIMA WITHOUT INVITING ME AH! make me lose my chance to see yamada man POOT.hahaha. Come back soon from Japan and visit my blog and tag! YAY THANKS!

CHIONG: heee. thankeee for always visiting! you jia you and dont be so pissed too! my anger always passes la, not alarming or whatever. =D

MEI!: HELLOOO DEAR MEI! YAY YOU STILL COME TO MY BLOG! COME OFTEN OK! HAHAHA MISSSS YOU MOOORE! After o's must go out with me ok! <3

you'll never know

After today,
you'll probably,

Never know how I felt,
Never know how much I thought and thought,
Never know what I said to others, going on and on,
Never know what it meant to see you,
Never know what that brilliant smile meant to me and my week ahead,
Never know how (so, very extremely) happy I felt,
Never know anything other than everything at the surface.

Will you just walk out of my life like you entered it? Probably. Most likely. I didn't even get that one chance I longed and yearned for so badly. Its not even anything bad. Why weren't my prayers answered on this one?
So, its probably just going to end here. Like this. Normally. Pity. Because I knew we could've been so much more, better and closer friends too.
Shucks, I still can't let you go yet. I can't believe you'll just leave my life like that. I want to try to catch you, but I know I never can nor never will.

There's so much you'll never know.

last time as a class

Today (since its past 12am OOPS) is going to be the last time I'll ever be having Raymonds as a class, with all my fellow Raymonds classmates together. Wow. Time really really flies. I can't believe that after today, we'll all go our separate ways, maybe never seeing each other again. Man, that hurts my heart, thinking how we might never see one another ever again. We've really come so far together. From that time I joined in November last year, our journey has been a real fun and enjoyable one.
I can still remember how scared I was, when I first joined. I never wanted to look anyone in the eye, and the class was quiet as a tomb. Noone spoke to anyone, and it was just so dead and horrible.
But then, slowly, everyone started to open up and talk to each other. As I said, it was the familiarity that sunk in, which reached out to all of us, and maybe, the journey we had to go on together.
Now, we've finally reached that point, the exit path. After tomorrow, i'm really really going to miss everything, I'm going to miss it so much so much, my heart's really aching. I can't believe I could feel so attached to a tuition class.
I can't say why I love everyone so much, but I'm so glad I got this chance to take this road, and meet all this people, and be a part of something so nice. Somehow, math seems so much more bearable that I know we're all in this together.
The tests early in the morning, at 8am, they're finally over and done with. Hah, who could forget, the very first time we came for the test, Ivan appeared like a drunkard, collapsing and staggering against the door, gasping "Who in the world wakes up at 8am for test in tuition!?" LOL.
The PRESENTATIONS. woah, where Raymond loved making fun of us. Even though these were trying and embarrassing and nervous times, I miss them lots too. We always laughed a lot at the poor presenter's demise. HEHHEHHEH.

The CLASS, and my CLASSMATES, my dear people (and of course raymond, though I'll still see him hahahaha), i'm going to miss hanging around with them, sitting in class and listening to them banter with Raymond and of course, the childish antics from the boys. HM.

I don't know why I feel so sentimental. I wonder if anyone else feels this much emotions about a simple tuition class. But still, I know how much I want today's 3 hour session to last forever and ever. 3 hour's probably too short. :(
Man, I'm already missing you guys. I'll make sure I treasure every minute, second, milli second, micro second today.
Love you all.

golden haired perfection

I'd choose the golden haired, angelic, perfect looking french.
I'd reach across that expanse (which is nothingness) to take that outstretched hand.
I'd never have to see the hurt in your eyes or feel my heart breaking because yours did too.
I wish you could just take me away.



if only it weren't a dream; my golden haired, angelic perfection.

wrinkled up

I'm so wrinkled up, dry and crumbly.
Inside its hollow,
Nothing beats anymore.
There's no more hope,
I don't want to imagine,
I'm falling out,
I'm tired of waiting and being passive.
I wish you'd start it first, please.

I only ask for once. Only once. (But if I do get one, I'll want more...and is that wrong? That's natural for man right, being greedy, grabbing more chances when we should be thankful for the only one we managed to get.)
But I haven't even got this one. I desperately want this one. i'm trying to save, push, move everything aside just in hope of this one. O N E. is all I need and want. at least 1.
I've prayed so hard about it, did You hear me? i'll pray harder then. You have no idea how much I want it, please let it come true.

I want to run away. I don't want to go near them. One only harps on things which I find so trivial and anal, sometimes I even feel he talks to me about them on purpose with the aim of irritating me. Do I not make it plain to see that i DO NOT want to talk about topics like that? Doing things which you tell others not to, not doing things you preach, what kind of example are you setting?! I'd like to stomp on that inflated head of yours someday.
And you, why is it when i want to talk to you, that you have nothing to say and don't even bother responding sometimes?! i should just NOT EVER talk to you, since you don't even bother responding. do u know how I hate it when people don't respond? I absolutely hate it. And when you miraculously feel like talking, you nag so terribly about things which you have said countless of times, and about things which just make me feel even more inadequate and angry. Thanks a lot.

Some people are making me so annoyed and pissed. Back off, I don't want to talk to you.

Tuition

Today, tuition was entertaining. HAHA so many weird topics raymond lapsed into...and with khatib and the boys egging him on, it got soo funny man. I love my math tuition! I am so going to miss it when o's are over. Already, our last saturday session, with test, is this week. So fast! Our journey together's gonna be over soon. I'm glad I got to join it though, and even though its at the Bras Basah side, which is far from my beloved cousins, i'm still so glad everything worked out properly and that our class is so...interesting. =D

The boys were being childish today, throwing little bits of eraser around. =.= HOW STUPID IS THAT?! 16 years old...yes, 16 and still throwing eraser at others.
It was so lame Rachael and I were laughing like crazy behind. We sit right at the back with all the guys...ahhaha, can witness them doing all their stupid, silly, childish antics. I'm going to miss all this. :(
Raymond's passionately teaching us, facing the front and explaining..and i DO LISTEN OK. I listen to his explanations and all, but I find it so hilarious that behind his back little bits of white eraser pieces go flying around the room =.=, and he doesn't suspect a thing. Then when he turns to look at us and the guys, ahhahaha, I just nearly want to explode with laughter. The guys just sit there as if they're so innocent.

Some quotes from today (will be slightly edited, also because I can't really remember)

Raymond: "For the girls, must starve and not eat anything. For the guys...the problem's mainly the tummy." (haha, on looking good)

(when the topic deviated to fanciful drinks like wine and...jolly shandy?! and beer and all..)
Khatib: "No la, I don't drink any of those, I like drinking MILO."
HAHAHAHAHAA!

I love my tuition class so much! =D

found it!

I finally found it, while I was pedalling furiously on a piece of machinery, no less, watching the repeat telecast of Singapore Idol.
Yup, finally found it when Duane Ho (who i am supporting because he's the same age as us..and is he taking o's this year too? I think so man! ALL THE BEST! May your Idol journey be really really worth it!) sang the song...

It's 當你 by 王心凌

當你的眼睛 瞇著 笑
當 你喝可 樂當你吵
我想對你好　你 從 來不知 道
想 你想你　也 能成為嗜好

當 你說 今 天的煩 惱
我想 對你說　卻 害 怕 都 說 錯
好 喜 歡 你　知不 知 道

YAY! HAHAHA. At last! :) For those who even bother reading the chinese words, they're in fan ti zi, but its okay, I think you'll still be able to recognise the words.
Hm it really does reflect on it, yay I finally managed to pin it down and find it! whooo.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA JEAN!!

EMMA JEAN MY DEAREST COUSIN,

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Love you so much! :)
I'm so sorry I couldnt make it on Saturday. You have no idea how sad I felt about not being able to go. (so many sacrifices, they really make me feel miserable...so so miserable.)
After O's ok! Definitely definitely definitely! And we'll make this Christmas a blast!
See you soon! May you always be happy! God bless! <3

emotionless

At times i just feel emotionless, feeling this big emptiness inside me, just feeling completely nothing at all, wanting nothing at all, seemingly seeing nothing at all, with just images of what I'm currently doing absently flashing by.

An emotionless state.
No space, no time, no energy to be thinking about you..no feelings at all. But I don't want it to go away.
A complete hole, not even wanting food! (can you believe that!)

Don't know if they'll ever see this, but 2 people have made me extremely glad and touched. These 2 people are

LEE MEI YING
LIM JOYANN

2 of my primary school besties. :)
They each contacted me on their own accord, wishing me luck and just sending me nice wishes.
I'm so glad that there're people out there who still care and remember.
Thank you so much you 2. Love you and miss you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHIONG!

CHIONG MY DEAR DARLING,

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND DON'T FOR A MOMENT THINK THAT I FORGOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR DAY!
Yeah I know its late but still, thanks so much for being one of my bestest friends and i hope all your days will be happy. Thanks for all you've ever done for me, which is A LOT, and I'm always here for you.
:) love you lots!

when i felt so troubled, so pressed from all corners, i immediately wished for you, wished you were with me, even if its just looking at you poring over your work, i don't mind. i knew i just wanted you here with me, right at that moment, because whenever i see you, i feel so much happier and lighter. i don't mind it, because i know you're going through the same thing as me. somehow, your presence makes everything seem better, less stressful, happy and go-lucky like you and that smile of yours.

aaah kory i wish you were home too.

It's back to school tomorrow. School's become a place I really don't want to go to anymore. Sometimes, i don't even want to face or look at all of them. I dont want to be associated with them, to think about them, to be anywhere near them. (but can I even do this on my own?! I HAVE TO NO MATTER WHAT, I MUST! MUST!)

Haha I like how Joy says (there was one day when she said this), at 8am in the morning (school officially starts at 7.25am anyway), "I just want to goo home and (sleep)...!", while staring at the clock listlessly. HAHA. It's only 8am, and on that day I think we only got to go home at 5pm because of mocks. But well, that's how I feel everyday and how we feel everyday anyway. Dragging and dreading school.

I appreciate what the teachers are doing and have done for us, really I do. I understand their efforts, and am truly grateful for having such dedicated and hardworking teachers. They really care about us and I'm really touched by this. It's been as hard for you as it has been for us, probably much harder on you all. So thank you so much to all my teachers. I can see the strain and stress on their faces too, and I know its not easy.

But I still dislike school now (very much so). heh. but I really do love the teachers still.

Anyway, there was one day we had double chem (from 1250-230 in the afternoon, which is like major sleepy time.), then ss remedial, then emath mock paper 1 (at least it was paper 1, not so bad!), and we only got to go home at 5.30pm. that is late ok, by the time I reached home, it was about 7 plus already. I'm not complaining, just that we had to drag ourselves to survive that day =P
Thanks to HSJ (THANK YOU JOY CHEE FOR BRINGING YOUR LOVELY PHOTOS WHICH ARE DIRECT FROM JAPAN) photos (sadly, yes its only the photos), we managed to survive. haha can you believe it?! their photos help me get through the day. seriously. when i see their faces it always makes me smile. yay i hope chee brings some more tomorrow and everyday we have school. HSJ=SURVIVAL.
My gosh chee, look what you've done to me! Man but I'm not that overly obsessed and crazy over them. Actually I know why I suddenly seem to have taken an interest in them. Yeah I know why, so at least I know why. hm I might explain it after O's only though.

I'm disgusted at myself too. first for trusting you, and also for other reasons not related to this at all. i can't believe myself at times. what am i doing what am i doing what am i doing?! what has happened to me?! i wish someone would..no, i cannot wish for someone, because I know there is noone. only i can change this, solely myself. i have to do it on my own. i have to. how much do i want it? what can i do? please, please, i have to, i have to do this better, work harder. there are no excuses, none at all. i don't want to look back with regrets, and cry and say shoot i knew i could've done this better. no, that terrifies me, i don't ever want to end up in that state. but what terrifies me even more is what i am doing even now. do i even have any sense?! please wake up! i am sooo disgusted at myself.

He didn't take it as badly as i'd expected him to. thank you for that blessing. i can't believe i'm so stupid as to trust you. you, who never honour your word, don't seem to feel ashamed at it, and who thinks i'm always at your beck and call and always ready for cancellations. i don't need you, to be honest. if its not just to appease, i would've long kicked you out of my world and never bothered seeing your stupid face. you don't deserve any respect or any chance, because have you ever considered me? obviously not. i really wish i could trash you out, but i can't. i wish i could just leave you out from my world, but i can't. i wish he wouldn't be so big-headed and always think his way is right, so that you can just get lost. aren't you old and supposed to be mature? yeah right. as if you'll ever learn how to treat people better and realize that the whole world doesnt revolve around just you. i really hate your guts to bits and i wish so bad i don't ever need to see you again. even if to you, its just one person, it already reflects on you, and how badly you've been brought up, never taught to honour your promises? but i shall be the one in control, to not let how much you anger me show, that way, it shows that i'm the superior one, even if you think you are. i'm so disgusted at you.

Next time...

The time is limited, I don't have that many chances, I should seize whatever opportunities I have, because I don't know what's going to happen after November. Maybe I'll never be able to see you, in reality, ever again. Only a few more times left...I wish I had cherished all the other times I had with you, maybe go back in time, realize it earlier, do more things about it.

So is this the answer to my prayer? To numb it? But it hasn't stopped anyway, still think a lot about it; always at the back of my mind. Always, always. Just that today I was feeling beat. pffft. I should make use of opportunities more. I have so many things to say, ask, talk about, but I completely forgot about all of them. HA. Says something doesn't it. My mind was just so whirled up, I couldn't think of anything. Why do all the things that I want to say come to my head (and just about threaten to spill out) only after I see the back of yours? When I see you walking away, not knowing when I'll see you again, not knowing when I'll get another chance. So, I better grab every chance I have, fight desperately for it, because everything's going to fall apart very soon.


The only thing I'll be sad about when Os finally end will be that Raymond's will never be the same again. Our class will be fully revamped, people won't join anymore, others will come in, people will be replaced and timings changed...basically everything will change.
I still remember when I first joined, how lonely and nervous I felt. But its been about 10 months now. We've journeyed together as a class for that long. We've slowly become closer. Actually I really don't know how we became closer. It wasn't through much interaction, because how much interaction can u have during tuition?! I guess it was because of familiarity. Because we seem to see each other so often, we just became close. That's really nice, because now, 10 months after joining, i feel so glad coming for tuition. It's like being reunited with another family. We can all talk together now, both boys and girls together, and not feel awkward or strange. Boys even ask us if we want to go have lunch with them. I'm really glad for all of you, and I'm going to miss our class so much, and all the memories we've had together, even if its just tuition and inside a room with Raymond. hahaha. I love you all, thanks for going on this journey with me. We'll make this last lap together, and hopefully, after that, we can have some gathering of some sort.

i'm already missing you, even though its just been since today.

AIYA, I'm missing many people right now. :( Why does everyone leave?

Ok I gotta go to bed now, tomorrow, its back to studying like a lunatic.

By the way I want to quote Cheryl Tan, "Yeah why don't you move back to ..., then you won't be represented by Boomz shit".

HAHAHA I don't know why but I find this really funny, what she said and the way she said it, it was hilarious!
Night!

19 sept..

I'm not hoping, nor imagining. I won't look at that door tomorrow, because I simply won't be able to take it if it doesn't happen.

(where were you, I really wanted to talk to you and ask you something of utmost importance..)

So i'm not going to look, I'm not going to carry that hope when I go tomorrow. I might as well just be a dead thing, dying and wasting away on the inside.


I feel your pain, your dread...your sadness (?). I can't believe you could cry, I always saw you as someone who was just floating around in life, happy go lucky, not caring and taking everything in your stride. But cry? A big boy like you...You must be really really afraid.
I wish I could help you, comfort you, try to walk you through your task and this ordeal. But if you make it, you'll emerge really strong. I'll pray for you, and wish you all the best, and do keep safe.

I want to reach out to you, to tell you I care and understand and comfort you and maybe ease your fear, but I won't. We've drifted apart, and have never been really close anyway.
But you're family, and I'll always love you.

So, I love you, be strong and I'll always be supporting you.

don't

don't dream, don't imagine, don't wish, don't hope,

because,

that'll only lead to diappointment and heartbreak.

OVER

Kinda late but....

YES MY EXAMS ARE OVER! =D

It's SCGS Open House tomorrow. Not very relaxing huh. Everyone must come ok! And be awed by our lovely school =) Everyone (all the CCAs, teachers, students) have been really diligently hard at work beautifying the school, and it looks really really STUNNING now. Especially the hall which was done up by the various CCAs. It looks like a party world! hah! So many balloons! There're even tutus and dyed, colourful pointe shoes. (from dance of course!! yay!) NICE!

Anyway, at least I'm really glad that I don't have to bury my nose and eyes in text and assessment books all day long now. But, we'll be getting back a shocking SIXXX exam papers on Monday! Definitely NOT very relaxing la! sheesh. I am super scared for chem, I know I screwed that test paper very badly. Need serious time management secrets...please tell me anyone, how you manage to finish your exam papers. HEH.

Been holing myself up doing business all day long now. Ah well, we can pull through! OOK. Let me check my wonderful, all-inspiring list on what I'd plan to do after eoys.

1. Sticky Chewy Gooey Messy Book - I'll save up money for it (by hook or by crook), and start whipping up all those stuff inside. HM. I went to Borders straight after eoys. (BOTH Borders in Singapore ook!! HMPH) to look for this book. BUT BOTH places were out of stock. OHMAN OHMAN! The stock better come sooon! I want to use the voucher that my dear friend CHEE specially ran up to the library to print out for me on mon when we went to Borders. HURRY UPPP! If not I'll make your rival, Times, richer by buying the book from them. Now, we don't want to be losing business right? ;)
2. WOW- I don't care, I wanna start on it again. Can't wait to go exploring. I shall make my bro support me in this. =) (i.e. use his money. HAHAHAH) NO TIME EH!! BUT STILL, I AM DETERMINED TO PULL THROUGH AND ACCOMPLISH THIS GOAL.
3. Going shopping and getting nice stuff- WHOO! With my darling friends. Not to mention all the eating and kinda food we'll gorge ourselves along the way. NOT COMPLETED YET TOO! darn. Plus, what with the bad economy now. SIGH. should we become skinny and tighten our belts? =( But still gonna go shopping with Chiong and Jenn and Chuch anyways. (even if its just window-shopping). CHIONG! BV, HV, J8..! =D
4. Reading my Edge Chronicles books- yet more exploring to do! YAY! I went to the Pasir Ris library but the ones I needed were all on loan. DARNN!
5. Get the twilight saga and start crazing over it again (with joyce and nan)- HELLO EDWARD CULLEN! =) UM. 3/4 completed? HEH. I only bought the first 3 books because all the Breaking Dawn books were kinda in bad shape. ACK. and I'm only about 50+ pages through Twilight. AHHAHAH.
6. Meet up with my beloved primary school friends- this is a MUST. AHEM leong shenghao don't be such a...a...um..mood breaker. tan tianhoe..make sure there's no more BEAUTIFUL MISUNDERSTANDING!! AHHAHA HAHHAA. can't wait to be with you all again! (i've missed u all soo soo much!) Currently sort of planning with Meiying now. =) it WILL MATERIALIZE!
7. Hoping to do cip with Andrea (hopefully jenn and sam too!) at the library. AHHAH. I need my cip library therapy! And Andrea I promised you didn't i? I'll try my best. =) I really really wanna do this, but with our lovely extended lessons til 7 Nov, and Andrea signing up for work experience...mm...we'll pray!
8. (I'll try to keep away from Ms Lau and the other teachers. and their dreaded work. =P) HA! Obviously working for a bit these few days. I've been kidnapped into the Imac lab. =D

Um. Oh man. I've hardly achieved any of my goals. hahaha. Sigh never mind, we've got, 3 months to work at it! =)

OH! I really want to thank these darling people for helping and encouraging me through my eoy period. I really found it tough-going because there was just sooo much to do and study for. So, my greatest thanks to all you lovely people

JOYCE CHIONG, JENNIFER KOH, JOY CHEE, VALERIE KHOO, CHENG LIN CHUCH, YANI, SAMANTHA ONG, Salome, Nat Chia
TAN TIAN HOE, LEE MEI YING, Leong Shenghao

Thanks so much you people, for bothering to write to me and sms me during the eoy period to encourage me on and distract me from studying (even though you all were probably busy studying yourselves). it really meant a lot and it really did help me! And I know i smsed some really weird stuff you some of you, but yet you still bothered to reply. HAHHA. thanks!
i really LOVE you guys to bits.

Alright, onward to achieve my goals. i better go sleep early so i can be a good host to people tomorrow. But I am going to read some twilight first. =)

GOOD NIGHT!

Hari Raya tomorrow!

Physics, Bio, and EL and Chi paper 2s left. GAH.

Today we finished our HCL paper 1 early (the exact time we finished was 10.01am), and then Andrea was going home by herself!! YAY!!

So we went to TM to have LJS for lunch! (see la Andrea I just had LJS one week ago! OOPS. See how much I love you!!! MUAHAHA [= ) Then we had banana + choc ice cream crepes (which we superr nicee!!) and walked around looking at really cute stuff. It was aimless, mindless activity, yes, (and time was wasted for Phy..ohgosh I feel so guilty as I'm typing this), but I think we both found it..in a way..I don't know what word to use but Andrea said "We should do this more often".

Haha yes its nice! Just (trying to, at this point), doing something without actually have to wreck your brains, and just having absolutely nothing to do, is probably the best thing we can get right now. I think there's hardly a chance left in this world for people to just sit around and do nothing, and appreciate the world around them.

Yesterday, I was wondering about what exams truly meant. I mean, we're probably not going to remember the things we've learnt 30 years later, but I think maybe exams are a test of more than just knowledge. Maybe its also to test endurance, time management (which I totally stink at and need LOADS of practice), and...emotional and psychological management? heh I don't know.

I read Mypaper yesterday and saw that they had classified Emma Watson (Hermione in Harry Potter movies) as a "star student" because she had gotten 10 As for GCSE (I think that means o-levels) and about 4 As for her A levels. Isn't that inspiring? As in, if she can do it, with all her hectic filming schedule, I guess we can to! And she was a hardworking person too, I read that she had her homework sent to her then did it then sent it back for marking. All this while she was filming. WOW.

Ok its only a few more days left to this EOY finishing. Just concentrateeee! Since I definitely ruined Chem, must try to buck up for the remaining sciences and languages. Go physics! Go bio! hahhaa love you all (not). =P

And HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY CHIONGGG! =D It was nice to have lunch with you guys at square2 yesterday! Found out about so many cool things there. And yes let's add junction8 to list of destinations! MUAHA. May all your wishes come true! <3

Alright JIA YOU everyone for this last lap!!

OH YES. I want to talk about F1!! I am sooo proud of Singapore for doing such a great F1 Grand Prix! When I saw it on tv, the atmosphere looked so lovely! All the lights were so bright and dazzling! And I think Singapore's really managed to create lots of hype about it! Even for me, I didn't even probably really knew F1 existed and what it stood for (I'd only heard about Lewis Hamilton and even then I didn't really get the point of his fame. HEH.)! But now, I'm feeling very excited about it and I can't wait for the next Singapore Grand Prix in 2009! (but ohgosh that's our Os year!!). I REALLY HOPE the telly'll show the race in Japan!! I REALLLY WANNA WATCH!!! (and I dont have cable so I really hope mediacorp's channel 5 will cater to what I think is everyone's needs! HAHAHA.=P P.L.E.A.S.E!!! =D)
OOOH and I like Nico Rosberg. I think he did a marvellous job of clinching second place! How lovely! May he continue to be in the top 3 positions!! Jia youu! I felt really really sad and sorry for Ferrari though. Oh never mind! I bet they'll be able to climb back up! ALL THE BEST!

Alright ALL THE BEST TO US HAVING EOY TOOO! AND, NOW,

ME,

GO STUDY.

nice time yesterday!

I had one of the nicest, loveliest and warmest msn conversations yesterday. Probably one of the best. =)

Thanks so much Leong Shenghao, for always being so nice to talk to.

As of yesterday, all my humans papers are over! So at least that cuts out a huge chunk to study. After Monday, I'll be even more relieved. There'll only be Chinese, Phy, bio and Eng paper 2 left after that. But then, bio is GAH. =( Never mind its going to be over soon!

Yes so I was slacking around on the com yesterday, just chatting on msn. It was kinda bad. I think most people were slacking off yesterday already. That shows we shouldn't stretch exams over the weekend. HAHAHA. But then everyone would just die if exams were all concentrated into one week.

Yeah so I chatted with Shenghao, my VERY BAD CASE OF SHORT TERM MEMORY FRIEND. =D Haha seriously I think you need to go get it checked. =P
But I truly had a very nice time last night talking online. And the talk stretched for about 2 hours? It probably would've been longer, had it not been for my bro luhhh. Hehh. But then my eyes were tired anyway. See la shenghao you made my study plan go awry (I had wanted to TRY to finish amath revision), and made my eyes so tired today I could hardly prevent myself from falling asleep when I was studying. =.= And I think I was distracted today because i kept on thinking about that conversation. LOL. See la!!! study wrecker. HAHAHA.

but,

I wouldn't have missed that conversation for the world. :)

<3
you lots friend! jia you for eoy!

EOY is coming

The grand EOY exams are coming again. Still remember how much I struggled last year trying to study. EEK. This year's gonna be even worse.10 (cos its COMBINED HUMANS) subjects, with so much complicating and overwhelming knowledge.

And I havent exactly started. (what am i still doing here!!!?)
I'll put some inspiration up here to get started. teehee. hope it'll work man.

here goes the inspiration list:

Things to look forward to after EOY (which officially end on 6 OCTOBER 2008)

1. Sticky Chewy Gooey Messy Book - I'll save up money for it (by hook or by crook), and start whipping up all those stuff inside.
2. WOW- I don't care, I wanna start on it again. Can't wait to go exploring. I shall make my bro support me in this. =) (i.e. use his money. HAHAHAH)
3. Going shopping and getting nice stuff- WHOO! With my darling friends. Not to mention all the eating and kinda food we'll gorge ourselves along the way.
4. Reading my Edge Chronicles books- yet more exploring to do! YAY!
5. Get the twilight saga and start crazing over it again (with joyce and nan)- HELLO EDWARD CULLEN! =)
6. Meet up with my beloved primary school friends- this is a MUST. AHEM leong shenghao don't be such a...a...um..mood breaker. tan tianhoe..make sure there's no more BEAUTIFUL MISUNDERSTANDING!! AHHAHA HAHHAA. can't wait to be with you all again! (i've missed u all soo soo much!)
7. Hoping to do cip with Andrea (hopefully jenn and sam too!) at the library. AHHAH. I need my cip library therapy! And Andrea I promised you didn't i? I'll try my best. =)
8. (I'll try to keep away from Ms Lau and the other teachers. and their dreaded work. =P)

9. Total relaxation from academics stuff! (but I shall try my best to not fling everything I've studied so hard out of my brain. OOK?)


Um, I have to admit I dont really feel inspired but..

ITS JUST A FEW MORE WEEKS!
I CAN DO THIS!
I WILL DO THIS!
I MUST DO THIS!
I SHALL DO THIS!
MY STUDY PLAN ABSOLUTELY CANNOT GO AWRY!

OK OFF I GO!
AND ALL THE BEST AND JIA YOU DEAR FRIENDS!
CHIONG, CHUCH, JENN, SAM, CHEE, YANI, VAL, JOCE, ANDREA... JIA YOUUU!!! <3>

OLYMPICS

I am burning with a 45 degrees celcius fever...

OLYMPIC FEVER!!

=D
Olympic fever has certainly hit all of us! I've never felt so INTO THE OLYMPICS before! maybe its because the host country is so near to us. And congrats Beijing! I think they did a splendid job for the opening ceremony. They've really put in so much effort to make this event perfect! Aren't we all proud of them!

Yes anyway, i've really enjoyed watching these events- SWIMMING, GYMNASTICS AND OF COURSE, TABLE TENNIS!

I think the Singapore ping pong team really did awesome-ly. HAHA. Finally, a medal! they must be feeling sooo goooood.

As for gymnastics, man, my jaw never fails to drop when I see the gymnasts do their twirls and spins and jumps and flips. I really love love love the gymnastics. But so far I've only seen the artistic gymnastics. and man,

I LOVE NASTIA LIUKIN! GOLD MEDALLIST FOR WOMEN'S ALL AROUND INDIVIDUAL A. GYMNASTICS!
The newspapers really put it right- she is long, lean, effortlessly graceful and of impeccable parentage. I think so too man. Most gymnasts train so hard they become rather chunky with all the muscles but Nastia is sooo lean!! She has a beautiful body! Oh man I wish i had her body. She seems so skinny but you can see she's really strong. And her lines are awesome. So graceful, and yeah, perhaps the newspapers was right again when they said this is the closest gymnastics has to royalty.
She truly is the gymnastics queen and I'm really inspired by her. (Um, to do what exactly? Not to become a gymnast like her la, although I'd really love to. But maybe, she's showed me how to perservere, through her tough trainings-36 hours a week ok!, and through her falls and failures.)

I think Shawn Johnson is really great too! She's really powerful, and though she's shorter than Nastia and cuter..=P, she really delivers those flips and turns with lotsa power and precision.

Bottom Line is..I LOVE THOSE GYMNASTS AND THE GYMNASTICS EVENTS!

And swimming, yeah duh Phelps Phelps Phelps! He really is great. And I think his style and body shape really helps him a lot. Plus his training and everything. he is just WOW.

Yes Olympics really is cool. But at the same time, you see all the hardship the athletes have to go through, and their utmost determination and perserverance!

Ahh! I'm so sad the games are gonna end this weekend. =(
Quick go grab as much olympic fever as u can right now!

today

HAVE YOU READ THIS BOOK YET?

IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOU SHOULD BARREL AND DASH AND SPRINT AND LUNGE FOR IT. =D ITS AN AWESOME BOOK.

This is the first book in THE EDGE CHRONICLES BY PAUL STEWART AND CHRIS RIDDELL.

Title: THE CURSE OF THE GLOAMGLOZER.

Alright, even though I've not read the rest of the books, I can promise you this series of chronicles are FANTASTIC. They're really really GOOD. Aiya, anyway I bet even after finishing the first book you'd definitely be tempted to read the rest.

The Quint Saga
The Curse of the Gloamglozer
The Winter Knights
Clash of the Sky Galleons

The Twig Saga
"Beyond the Deepwoods
"Stormchaser
"Midnight Over Sanctaphrax

The Rook Saga
The Last of the Sky Pirates
Vox
Freeglader

Standalone Books
The Lost Barkscrolls (2007)

Yeps, here's the book list. AHHA. Go in order. =) All the people are related (i.e Quint, Twig, Rook). now, what are you waiting for? GO READ.

I went to Bukit Timah Nature reserve today with Cheryl, Shimin and Sarah for a field observation. LOL. We had fun! More about it and pics next time. =) I gotta go command my brain to put in some knowledge of physics and emaths. T.T

I'd so rather be in THE EDGE. and you would too.

GARTH NIX NEW BOOK!!!

EVERYONE, REJOICE!

"Garth Nix has recently signed a reported seven figure deal for three new titles, with two being additions to the Old Kingdom series, a prequel and a sequel; the first, which has the working title Clariel: The Lost Abhorsen, will appear in 2010 and 2011." - taken from wikipedia

HOORAY!! CLAP CLAP CLAPP!!

ARE YOU HAPPY OR ARE YOU ELATED!? As for me, I can't sit still in my seat! Finally, another old kingdom book!! I've loved that trilogy for ages! OK, now i just have to wait for....2 years! T.T (ah ok well, better than not being able to have any book at all)

Quick, someone give Garth Nix another 7, no, 8, 9, 10 figure deal!! HAHAHAHA.

OK, so folks, something to look forward to in 2 years, something else other than our O level results uh.. sigh.

Ann Loh appeared in my dreams last night. LOL. Well, I miss her loads. And I miss all the J1s too!! lots and lots. =( Tomorrow's gonna be the day where we'll be the eldest, where we'll be the ones whom everyone's depending on. Can you all still remember when we first entered, as scared, shy, apprehensive sec 1s? The love we all shared, the wonderful memories we all had..? Are you ready?

I don't know. But we'll try won't we?


We'll try our very best.

hope

Yay i finished the Gatsby essay! =D and did one chinese story reflection. and read until page 143 of Midsummer. OK LETS CONTINUE THE PROGRESS. (even though I still got loads loads more never ending stuff to do but yes...)

Today I felt like going out so badly but dunno why, everything just suddenly squashed that feeling when I realized i still have 8 heymath benchmarks 5 physics quizzes 6 chi papers including compos 4 cheem stories to write reflections amath mind map and all the tests to study for. (and whatever else homework that i left out...)

But yeah, i shall do my utmost best best best to do up everything by thurs cos i might be sort of going away during the weekend! finally, away! HAHA. =P

and well, had a good time lamenting and talking to yani and joce this afternoon after b@s meeting with nat, aud and cass. =) its so nice talking to you guys! love you all so much! HAHAHA JOCE AND I WERE COMMENTING ON THE BLOND GUY IN PRINCE CASPIAN. ;)

Speaking of prince caspian, i think its such a cool show! the visual effects are STUNNING GREAT AWESOME MAGNIFICENT MARVELLOUS...and the Narnia world is soo beautiful i wish i lived in there. and peter is just..wow man.
still remember on the thursday after i watched prince caspian and when i went for ballet, moreira and i were like fooling around and laughing over caspian and peter. ahhaha. it was soo super funny. and i realized that i've known moreira (and spent half my life of more, even) for about half my life! that's thanks to her good good good memory la. i can't remember much about my young ballet days, save for the fact that i've been with you bunch of people for sooo long, Ms Lee included. HEE. =D and i still love you all so much!

and sam ong! thanks for a wonderful time on wed! when we went to watch prince caspian. =D yes we should do it more often!
(hahaha and thanks to tan tianhoe too for putting up with all my..uh...comments about peter. ;] )

well, i'm off now. everyone continue to jia you! =D (ooh i love reading midsummer. all the fairy stuff is so cool! but i don't wanna do a asjfsasarf thesis on it!? HELP ME SOMEONE.! )

i'm off to HOMEWORK LAND. (the most exciting and wonderful place on earth, admission is free but be weary of after effects. do come join me for the most adventurous and thrilling ride of your life!)

:)