19 sept..

I'm not hoping, nor imagining. I won't look at that door tomorrow, because I simply won't be able to take it if it doesn't happen.

(where were you, I really wanted to talk to you and ask you something of utmost importance..)

So i'm not going to look, I'm not going to carry that hope when I go tomorrow. I might as well just be a dead thing, dying and wasting away on the inside.


I feel your pain, your dread...your sadness (?). I can't believe you could cry, I always saw you as someone who was just floating around in life, happy go lucky, not caring and taking everything in your stride. But cry? A big boy like you...You must be really really afraid.
I wish I could help you, comfort you, try to walk you through your task and this ordeal. But if you make it, you'll emerge really strong. I'll pray for you, and wish you all the best, and do keep safe.

I want to reach out to you, to tell you I care and understand and comfort you and maybe ease your fear, but I won't. We've drifted apart, and have never been really close anyway.
But you're family, and I'll always love you.

So, I love you, be strong and I'll always be supporting you.