I'm disgusted at myself too. first for trusting you, and also for other reasons not related to this at all. i can't believe myself at times. what am i doing what am i doing what am i doing?! what has happened to me?! i wish someone would..no, i cannot wish for someone, because I know there is noone. only i can change this, solely myself. i have to do it on my own. i have to. how much do i want it? what can i do? please, please, i have to, i have to do this better, work harder. there are no excuses, none at all. i don't want to look back with regrets, and cry and say shoot i knew i could've done this better. no, that terrifies me, i don't ever want to end up in that state. but what terrifies me even more is what i am doing even now. do i even have any sense?! please wake up! i am sooo disgusted at myself.