It's so funny how things can change once i see you're back. just a single sign on the computer and there's a huge flip of emotion. No matter how i try to convince myself, i know i can never look at you the same way and i never know when i can truly forget and get over. i can tell others the things i want and hope to achieve, and i can actually think that i believe what i say, but if i see you in real life, yeah my emotions might flip again. who are you? you're nothing. nothing special, really nothing special. sometimes though, i wished i had crawled through that golden window of opportunity. if i had taken your hand, i wonder what it would be like now. you feel so far away from me, perhaps not even caring or forgetting i exist. why? last time, it used to be so much more different and special. or maybe, you just did that to every new person you met. what am i to believe and make out of you? i know so little, i know. i'm trying hard to crack the shell. bit by bit. though i'm tired of it and i get no reciprocation. i'm dreading what i'll find next year...soon to come. suddenly i want to hide away from you and not see you anymore. no i must get over i must i must i must! i can list out all the negative aspects, but i know even that won't help. there's always this little flame which becomes uncontrollable, and then turns into a huge fire. sigh. no, i don't want to go next year and see what i find. :( there'll be better.

had an outing with my primary school girlfriends today. (mei, jie, mich t, amanda, olivia) :D boy am i thankful for them and boy am i thankful for this group which i can call my girlfriends- a group which allows me to hang out with them, having fun and enjoying their company. they accept me for who i am, (and have always done so), and are always game to try out anything. (things which are not overly flambuoyant or extravagant). its been great knowing them all these years. i really hope our friendships won't ever end, because i really really really treasure them very much. whooo i hope i can see you all often!! just being at amanda's house was fun!! :D you all make me happy and i enjoy being with you all truly (even if i might not talk that much hehh). we still have the picnic date okay!! :D:D (and the swimming? hee!!) (and the paintball too? whooo) miss you all already and want to see you all sooooon again! <3