Really, not a single word from you. I can't believe it, but i should. i should have expected, should have known. and i should get used to it, since it WILL be like that. i see that you're there, uncaring, and i really want to cry, because i WANT you to care, because I CARE!
And what do you give me? nothing. nothing at all!
I was reading LGMH, and it did, DID give me hope. it made me believe that maybe, like in those stories people post which sound like all those mushy dramas and fairytales, you can hang on like me, and them. hang on for a long long time, caring for a long time, showing me you still remember like i do, showing me i matter to you, or at least, AM SOMEONE to you.
but, i really don't live in a fairytale, and i have no hope.
I see you're there, and its so tempting to double click and open that window. but NO! I can't! I don't know what kind of message i'll be sending, and i'm sure you'll only talk to me half-heartedly, replying me with short answers. I know I can though, but I don't want to. And if I wait, i can continue waiting forever and ever, and nothing will ever happen.
everytime someone starts a convo with me on msn, i wish so badly it was you.
i wonder if you went into that different world, and did what you did to me to others. catching others' hearts. and i hate to think that. hate to think of that smile being meant for someone else. hate to think that what i shared with you, and thought was special, will also be done for someone else.
could i have grabbed the opportunity last time? for real?
all these emotions and memories and thinking make me really sad and tired.
how can i study seriously?!
i know you can say i can not think about them. but its really hard, especially since last time, i had you going through these tough times with me. and we had more to talk about.
does being in different worlds really tear us apart? does it really break up friendships, make people grow distant? effort is needed. but you don't put that in. only i do. only i still care.
so i have made it into that school, but i don't feel so great. after a while, its just a school, a normal school, where people learn. thats all. its a school, just like yours, just like everyone's. and i'm drowning there, doing horribly, and i'd really appreciate it, and it'd really get me going if you showed some concern, and gave me some motivation.

but of course, i won't be expecting it, and i won't be expecting you, ever.
but i'll still continue to pray about it because, i just can't let you go.