泪干了。

没想到这果然会那么难。

If I could go there.. 

To the place where time is told differently.. 

... Then maybe... We could be together 

Been listening more to Jay Chou's songs recently.. especially his newer ones.. but the question I have to ask myself is not

怎么了but 怎么办

sigh. 

...well maybe a bit of the former too because I'm not entirely sure I know what's going on.

You're not real. so what do I even care? Or what and why should I even care. You'll never be real. 

Better surround and immerse myself in reality.
And Oh I should just wipe and erase this whole thing out because. as I have said. You're.Not.Real. Oh I must keep drumming this into my head. 

Yup. It doesn't exist. :)

I was never meant to see you again. 


And I'm stuck in a moment that wasn't meant to last.

sometimes you just know, you know?

我真的不懂怎么开口。不懂该说什么。

But that is the very first step. And I will have to do alot more beyond that if it does indeed get me somewhere. 

It runs far far deeper than even I could imagine. The heartache, the longing, the missing, the yearning.

And deep beneath it all, probably the most painful, heartbreaking and gut-renching of it all.. the regret.

It still haunts me every night. No matter how I may make excuses, justifications, or try to deny it, I know I don't actually agree with them. And I never will.

Ever since coming back, I don't feel the same way about things. What used to be my favourite activities.. Well I don't feel any incentive or motivation to do any of them anymore. I don't feel anything and I look past things and when I look at things, I see hills, mountains, rivers.. And many more things instead. The gorgeous, mesmerising and never-ending landscapes from the train.. Old towns and cities.. Some autumn trees here and there, red, gold, amber...faces, smiling and laughing and looking at me with genuine warmth.... Seeing all my memories.

Well perhaps people see me differently now too, or feel different about me. Some things seem lost to me now. Over the course of the last half year, they've probably found their own sense of belonging too and we now seem to exist in completely different worlds. Never overlapping, never intersecting.. Or probably never bothering to. 

脑海里 你的笑容太彻底

" Can I go forward when my heart is here?

Turn back, dull earth, and find thy center out. "

把他忘记
重复告诉自己

It's exactly 2 more weeks. We'll never get a chance. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself and get over that Sunday and stop beating myself up over it.  The only thing which makes it a little better was that you asked after me. Thank you for that. But I'm sad we will never get that chance. 
"The briefest moment shared with you- the longest on my mind."

While I may have had to do things a bit differently from everyone else because I stay somewhere else, I feel so fortunate to have chosen this place and I wouldn't give it up for the world. There must have been some reason for me to have been given this place, and I'm so so thankful to have met everyone I have during my time here. You all truly let me see what life and passion is.